Trial By Ice
by Nightstalker1
Summary: One incredible moment leaves Irvine cursed. Now, his only hope for a cure lies with a love he never expected to find. Eventual IxZ
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy and all of its characters are the property of Square Enix and its affiliates. As much as I wish they were mine, they aren't. At least until my cloning experiments are successful…

**Trial By Ice **

**Chapter 1**

Life began at 7:00 AM in Balamb Garden. Students' alarms would begin to go off, forcing them to tumble out of bed and stumble off to the community showers. Meanwhile, staff and on-duty SeeDs would be heading for the private bathrooms included with their rooms. There were definite perks that came with surviving cadet training. This was typically followed by a scramble to find clean clothes and finish homework or grades that were forgotten the night before.

The population of Balamb Garden was fully awake by 7:30 AM. The cafeteria would open and everyone would make their way down to breakfast. Some would sit and wait for friends to arrive while others would grab a quick bite and head to the open library to cram for an afternoon midterm.

It was 7:33 AM when Irvine Kinneas sauntered back to his room wearing yesterday's rumpled clothes and a broad smirk of triumph. He was about to key in the access code to his door when a flash of gold caught his eye. Glancing up, he saw Zell Dincht heading down the hallway. The martial artist looked positively frazzled with his wrinkled SeeD jacket and half tucked shirt. One hand was running gel through his hair while the other frantically wiped at a drip of toothpaste on his uncreased pants.

Irvine winced. It looked like his friend could use a little extra sympathy today. "Hey there, Zell," He called out with a cheerful wave. "Rough morning?"

"You have no idea," Zell grumbled as he finished pushing blonde bangs into their trademark crest. "I'm taking my cadets outside this morning, but I was in the Training Center until late last night and forgot to iron my uniform. Plus I overslept this morning, so I'm late for breakfast. And on top of it all-"

The blonde was immediately silenced by a palm over his mouth. Irvine flashed him a sympathetic smile. "Whoa there Zelly-boy, give your jaw a second to rest. These problems are easily solved. Now, when are you meeting the cadets?"

"Eight-fifteen," Zell sighed. "Which means I need to hightail it to the cafeteria now or I'm gonna be fighting on an empty stomach."

Irvine chuckled, causing Zell to bristle beside him. "Relax. I've got an iron and some breakfast bars in my room. I'll straighten out your uniform while you eat and take a minute to calm down. You'll make it in plenty of time."

Zell's eyes practically glistened with gratitude as Irvine finished keying in his code and opened the door. Once inside, Zell stripped down to his shirt and boxers while Irvine rummaged through his desk drawers for the promised food.

"I don't know why you're so worried about a few wrinkles," The sniper pulled out the ironing equipment, which Balamb Garden so graciously provided for every SeeD dorm, and proceeded to tackle the understated folds on Zell's jacket. "If you're going to be fighting outside, it's just gonna get messed up again."

Zell sighed as he tore the wrapper of a strawberry breakfast bar. "It's not about practicality, Irvine. It's about the image. You know it's my first semester as an instructor candidate. Even though I'm only tutoring a couple cadets, I have to look like a respectable instructor. The Board is really picky about decorum, so I can't afford to make little mistakes. If I show up in a wrinkled uniform, they'll deny me my license. I really want to do this, but I won't get the chance if I don't make the first cut."

Irvine nodded as he started on the jacket sleeves. He'd heard horror stories from Quistis about obtaining instructor certification at any of the Gardens. It had become a lot worse recently, now that NORG was gone and the Gardens were financed by a council of trustees. The newly appointed Board of Education had made the process a lot more selective. For the first semester, a SeeD going for their teaching license would be assigned to three cadets preparing for their own SeeD exams. They would meet a few hours each week to review for the written exam and practice techniques for the practical. In order for the SeeD to be considered for instructor training, all three of their cadets had to receive passing grades on the written portion. For the practical, two cadets had to score an eighty percent, meeting the minimum requirements for SeeD ranking. The third cadet had to receive a score of at least seventy-five percent, meaning they had made one large or several small mistakes that cost them their chance at SeeD for the semester. If the cadets did not achieve the proper scores, the SeeD going for their instructor license would have to try again the following semester with a new batch of cadets. On top of that, instructor candidates also had to adhere to strict new rules set down by the Board. Any blatant slip-ups in decorum could also cost them their chance for their license that semester. Needless to say, some SeeDs had to keep trying for years before they made the first cut. And Irvine wanted no part in that. For now, he was happy being another SeeD grunt without the extra pressure.

"You shouldn't worry so much, Zell," Irvine smiled as he gave the freshly ironed jacket back to its owner. "I've heard you've got a good group, and your tutoring is really paying off with them. I'm sure they'll do well and you'll get into the instructor program without a problem. And if you don't it's no big deal. The Board mostly pays attention to the cadets' progress, not your pants. Quisty told me that she'd trained cadets completely out of uniform on hot days when she was an instructor candidate, but she still made it."

Zell tore open the packaging of another bar. "Not right away, she didn't," He mumbled between bites. "She had to go through the process twice before she made it."

The sniper waved a hand dismissingly. "Yeah, but that's because she was stuck with Seifer the first time, and you know how he…" He trailed off when he noticed Zell had stopped chewing. The martial artist's skin had taken on an ashen hue. "Zell?"

Bright sapphire eyes blinked and Zell's head snapped up at the sound of Irvine's voice. He blushed, as though he had momentarily forgotten that he was sitting in his underwear on Irvine's bed while the playboy cowboy ironed his pants. Zell shook his head to clear the blush, but his face remained tight with worry.

"You okay there?" Irvine asked, violet eyes softening in concern. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Maybe I have," The blonde muttered. Upon seeing Irvine's confused expression, he elaborated. "The instructor thing isn't the only reason I want to look respectable. I kinda have to because…well…Seifer's back."

"What?" Irvine shouted and immediately recoiled with a hiss as his free hand smacked into the hot iron.

Zell sighed, seemingly oblivious to the accident. "Yeah, he just arrived yesterday morning. I was really hoping Squall would have waited longer before letting him back in for a second chance. I guess he just missed his favorite sparring partner too much."

The sniper grunted in agreement from the bathroom as he held his hand under the cold running water. "So what does that have to do with a neatly creased uniform?" He called.

"You know how Seifer is. Once he saw me, he started 'chicken wuss'ing me all over again. I thought that if I looked like a mature, respectable instructor, he might just knock it off."

"And in the very likely chance that that doesn't work?" Irvine asked as he came back to finish the pants.

"I'll beat the living shit out of him," Zell smirked, punching his palm. Five seconds later, the blonde slouched back on the bed again with a sigh. "If he doesn't take my head off with Hyperion first."

Irvine couldn't help but smile at the scene before him. There was Zell, martial arts expert and a savior of time itself, slouching dejectedly on his bed; fully dressed in proper SeeD attire on top and pale blue boxers and polished uniform boots on the bottom. The pouting frown on his face, combined with his hair already falling out of its crest (he obviously hadn't squirted enough gel on it in his rush this morning), made him look like a disgruntled chocobo. Irvine could recall a time in his early cadet days when he'd worn a similar expression after hearing about changes he didn't like. That was before he had learned to relax. No, that was before he had learned ways to keep him relaxed. Perhaps it was time for him to pass on a little wisdom.

The iron was switched off and Irvine handed the newly creased pants to Zell, taking a seat beside him as the blonde pulled them on. "My dear Zell, you're obviously stressed and could do with a little winding down. Let me share a little saying handed down for generations back at Galbadia Garden."

"Oh yeah?" Zell cocked a bemused eyebrow as he fastened his belt buckle. "Do tell."

Irvine smirked, eyes dancing mischievously. "To attain mental satisfaction, one must first attain physical satiation."

Zell simply stared at him blankly for a moment before shaking his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"In layman's terms, you need to get laid, buddy."

"I should have known!" Zell cried out as he stood up. Irvine tried to speak, but was cut off as Zell turned to face him, frustration clearly evident on his face. "That's your answer to everything, isn't it?"

The sniper merely shrugged. "I have yet to find a problem that a night and a willing cadet haven't helped cure."

"And I suppose that's why you were heading back here at the same time that everyone else was leaving?"

"Absolutely," Irvine chuckled. He closed his violet eyes and lay back on the bed, hands folded behind his head. "One of the advanced firearms cadets wanted to wish me a happy eighteenth birthday, but was too shy to come to the party last week. So she arranged a private party in her dorm with one of her girlfriends…and her boyfriend."

Zell grimaced. "You're disgusting."

"Hey, life's too short to only pursue one gender."

"And it's because of your free-loving attitude that I can't get a girlfriend to 'attain physical satiation' or whatever."

One violet eye cracked open. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I don't want to be with a girl that's gonna spread her legs for a quick romp with the infamous Irvine Kinneas at the drop of a hat," Zell spoke slowly, his words low and clearly dangerous. "I want someone who'd be committed only to me; someone who understands that love is about more than sex. But you've seduced every girl I've ever wanted."

Irvine sat up quickly. "Whoa, Zell, that's a huge assumption. I may have slept with a lot of people, but I never pursue anyone that my friends have their eyes on," His eyes narrowed with grave seriousness. "I may be a playboy, but I do have morals."

"Well I guess those morals don't apply to me," Zell muttered as he headed to the door. "Look, thanks for breakfast and taking care of my uniform. I'll pay you back later."

But before Zell could reach the keypad, Irvine grabbed the martial artist's shoulder. The sniper spun his friend around to face him fully, one hand on each shoulder. Violet eyes framed by auburn locks captured the attention of startled sapphire.

"Of course my morals apply to you," Irvine shook Zell for emphasis. "Name one girl you wanted that I stole."

Zell kept his eyes focused on Irvine's, desperately fighting a rising blush. "Selphie."

"What?" Irvine started, eyes widening in surprise. "Zell, I had no idea you liked her like that. You never said anything, so I didn't think you saw her as more than a friend. I wouldn't have gone after her if I knew. And it didn't work out between us anyway. We had one night together and decided a relationship would be too weird. It would be like dating my sister, or something. So we just pretended it never happened…Wait, we never told anyone. How did you know about that?"

Zell rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you snipers were supposed to be observant. Selphie's room is next to mine and the walls aren't exactly soundproof."

Irvine paled. His hands fell from Zell's shoulders as he stepped away. "Oh Hyne. And Selphie's…"

"A screamer," Zell finished. "I heard you two going at it all night. And since then, she's made it a habit of bringing boys to her room every other night. I have to go to the Training Center for hours until they finally leave. I get a great workout, but by then it's really late and I don't get enough sleep."

Realization dawned on Irvine. "So you were running behind this morning because you were at the Training Center until late last night because…"

"Yeah," Zell sighed. "Selphie brought a friend over last night."

Irvine winced empathetically, having first hand knowledge of how piercing Selphie's shrieks got when she was ready to orgasm.

Zell sighed. "Exactly. I swear she comes in second for the most conquests in a week at B-Garden, next to you."

"You're giving me too much credit."

"No, I'm serious. All of the girls trip over each other trying to get into your pants, Irvine. And a bunch of guys do too. Hyne, I wouldn't be surprised if Shiva herself wanted to screw you too."

As if responding to Zell's statement, Irvine's favorite junction quivered in the back of his mind. There was the tiniest rumbling in his ear too, almost as though the ice goddess was purring.

_Odd_, Irvine thought. _She's never done that before._

Zell shook his head. "Look, I'm sorry. What you do with your free time is your business. And you're right. I never said anything. I never say anything when I really need to. That's the real reason I can't get a girlfriend. I've just been really frustrated with that, and the teaching thing, and Selphie doing the horizontal mambo all the time. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that."

"Hey don't worry about it," Irvine smiled as he pulled Zell into a one armed hug. "I'm used to it by now. Tell you what, if you ever get a free day, we'll sit down and work on your communication skills. I'll help you figure out when to talk and when to shut your yap. Deal?"

The blonde's lips curled into a tiny smile. "Deal."

At that moment, the PA system beeped and Xu's voice echoed throughout Garden. "Attention. Irvine Kinneas, please report to the third floor. Repeat. Irvine Kinneas, please report to the third floor. That is all."

Irvine chuckled. "Sounds like Squall's got a mission planned. Guess we'll have to wait until I get back."

"Guess so," Zell chuckled as well. "Anyway, I need to go. I've gotta meet with the cadets in a couple minutes. Thanks again for your help. I'll see you later."

Irvine waved as Zell closed the door behind him. He put the ironing equipment back in his closet and headed for the bathroom. Shiva was still making that purring noise, though it was muted by the water spurting out of the shower head. Ten minutes later, Irvine had showered, shaved, and thrown on fresh clothes. After checking his gun and ammo, and noting that Shiva was finally quiet, he headed off to the third floor.

Duty called.

**Author's Notes: **How does everyone like it so far? There will be action, angst, and romance aplenty as the story progresses. Just be patient. Please feel free to leave reviews. Constructive criticism is wonderful, but flames are pointless and will be ignored.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to the people who have reviewed so far! I hope everyone enjoys the rest.

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Chapter 2

The Second Sorceress War had ended with an extensive battle through time and space. Unfortunately, the end of a battle, or even a war, did not always mean an end to all problems. In fact, ending a war often started new problems. And unfortunately, the ending of the Second Sorceress War had created some tiny, insignificant, little problems.

In Irvine's opinion, monsters from the future looked a lot more colorful than monsters from the past.

When Edea had said that Time Compression could destroy the world, she had no idea how right she would be. The fabric of space and time was not designed to survive Time Compression. Unfortunately, in order to stop Time Compression, they had to start it. As Dr. Odine had pointed out in that long winded way of his, it was the only way to defeat Ultimecia. In the end, they had managed to stop the process within a day, or maybe it was a year, or a thousand years. Time is funny that way when it all blends together.

Still, damage had been done and the world was still recovering a year later. The fabric of space and time had been weakened by the entire ordeal and would occasionally tear. Dark rifts would suddenly appear in mid air somewhere in the world, connecting different times and marring the landscape. And what was a tear in the fabric of space and time without a nice little invasion of past or future monsters?

That was where SeeD stepped in. Government officials around the world would hire the mercenaries to round up all of the monsters and send them back through the rift. Or they could just kill them. It didn't really matter which course of action they took, as long as they kept the monsters away from the technicians. Estharian engineers had created some sort of machine to repair the tears. Once SeeD dispatched all invading enemies, the techs would fire it up and they could report back to the officials for payment within an hour. There had been a meeting which explained the technical details about the equipment, but Irvine had spent the whole time daydreaming about the new junior classmen instructor and the lap dance she had given him the previous night in the Training Center locker rooms. Not that it mattered. Irvine had gotten the general idea: expensive equipment, let the techs handle it, do not mix with monster guts.

And that was exactly what he was doing at the moment. Irvine ducked behind a snow bank to reload while Rinoa shot her pinwheel at another advancing creature. He sprang back up and joined her again in sniping monsters that strayed from the main group, which Squall's team was driving further back from the Shumi village dome. They were neon yellow things with bulbous bodies and palm trees sprouting out of their heads. As if that was not enough, they also had four tentacles, no eyes, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in their gaping mouths. By Irvine's guess, they were probably from the future.

"They look like evolved Ochus," Rinoa grinned as her pinwheel sliced another tentacle off a straggler. "Do you think they're from the future?"

Irvine chuckled. "Judging from the purple blood spewing out of the bodies, I'd say that's a good assumption. Nice shot, by the way. You're really improving," He gave her a quick wink before firing again. "But it doesn't matter where they're from. The Shumis hired us to drive them back through the tear, so that's what we're doing. A SeeD is supposed to follow orders and not think too deeply about it. At least, we don't think about it until we get home. Then you can contemplate their existence to your heart's desire."

"Maybe you should take your own advice and hold off on contemplating my legs until we're done," She replied with a smirk.

Irvine immediately raised his eyes from the mentioned limbs and tipped his hat in apology. "Sorry, ma'am. They're so lovely that I couldn't resist. Squall's a lucky man."

Rinoa's smirk grew as she turned back to the retreating herd of monsters. "Squall's going to be an angry man if you don't take out that yellow thing heading toward us."

Irvine shifted his attention back to their quarry and took his shot before Rinoa could blink. The bullet took a chunk out of the creature's skull, but did not slow its charge. Roaring, it lashed out with a tentacle. Irvine smirked. The beast was more than thirty feet away, so its tentacles wouldn't do any damage to him.

How was he supposed to know that monsters from the future could extend their limbs?

He and Rinoa leapt apart as the tentacle crashed down between them. The limb swatted to the right, catching Irvine in the stomach and sending him flying. He could hear Rinoa cry out and head toward him.

"Stay back!" He gasped, clutching his stomach as he regained his footing. "There aren't any other stragglers. Go help Squall with the rest. I'll take care of this one."

The sorceress hesitated for a moment before nodding and running after the main herd, leaving Irvine to fend for himself. The tentacle swept back for another strike, but missed as Irvine rolled out of the way. Springing back to his feet, the sniper took another shot and ducked again as the same tentacle swept back in a long arc. Unfortunately, the bullet only grazed the beast. Apparently, it had faster reflexes than he had anticipated.

Irvine stole a quick glance behind him at the Esthar techs adjusting their machinery. The rogue monster was getting too close to them. He took another shot which clipped the beast's leafy top before sprinting to the left. As he had hoped, the creature's tentacles followed him instead of attacking the scientists. Now he just had to keep its attention long enough to lead it back to the rest of its herd while the scientists prepared to close the tear.

Contrary to popular belief, snipers were not always stationary soldiers. When a target didn't go down within two shots, a rare occurrence for snipers of SeeD caliber, other tactics had to be used. So snipers were actually trained to do two things; stop and go. When faced with monsters out in the open, snipers took their shot and then ran until they were far enough ahead that they could pause long enough to take another shot. As a result, Irvine was swifter on his feet than most people gave him credit for. And he was using that speed to his full advantage as he lured the rogue back to the main group. He paused for two seconds, long enough to check his "friend's" distance and fire before sprinting forward again. As predicted, the Ochu-like creature followed, ignoring its many wounds oozing dark blood.

Before long, Irvine found himself catching up to Squall and Rinoa. The scarred commander raised an eyebrow as he approached. Irvine simply grinned and jerked his head back at the pursuing monster. Squall frowned, but nodded before turning to shout orders to a squad of assisting SeeDs from Trabia Garden. Irvine nodded back and stole a quick glance at the creature behind him. Too close to risk another shot. He had to get further ahead.

Putting on another burst of speed, Irvine pressed forward. His lungs were beginning to burn and his feet ached fiercely. His boots weren't meant for running. Then again, Irvine hadn't planned on doing much running today.

_This was supposed to be a routine mission. You know, sit back and snipe while Squall did all of the moving. Hyne, how did I end up doing enough running for the both of us today?_

He heard Rinoa shout in the distance, but ignored it. Something had probably happened with the main squad, not his problem right now. Judging that he was far enough ahead to take a shot, Irvine skidded to a halt and spun around. But he didn't squeeze the trigger. A gurgling roar to his side stayed his hand. Cold dread gripped Irvine's stomach as he suddenly realized he had broken one of SeeD's cardinal rules.

Always be aware of your surroundings.

In his haste to get ahead of the rogue, Irvine had run directly into the main herd of monsters. He immediately swung Exeter around to shoot the closest monster. Purple ooze sprayed out as the creature fell, but Irvine didn't have time to react before a tentacle shot out to connect with his skull. Stars glittered before his eyes and he was dimly aware of his hat falling off his head as his body skidded to a halt outside of the herd. He caught sight of the black scar in the sky out of the corner of his eye. Apparently he had run farther than he thought. As he rolled over to face the herd again, his mind sluggishly realized that a lone creature was charging toward him, the rogue he had been baiting in the first place.

_Gotta nail him and get out of the way. The Estharians warned us to keep as far away from the tears as possible. Don't know what's lying on the other side._

His hand reached for Exeter, but the rifle was nowhere near him. Despite the sharp protest of his muscles, Irvine tried to scramble to his feet. But the blow to the head had slowed his movements. Before he could react, a single tentacle swept forward. The next thing he knew, Irvine was flying through the air. He barely managed to tuck into a ball before hitting the ground. His body impacted hard, and Irvine heard something snap. Before he could even guess what had broken, although the fire shooting up his right arm gave him a general idea, another tentacle swept him upward. He could hear a scream in the distance. It might have been Rinoa, but he wasn't sure.

When his body didn't crash again, Irvine tentatively opened his eyes. Immediately, he knew he was no longer on Winter Island. He was falling through an expanse of nothingness. Darkness surrounded him, much as it had during the final battle in Time Compression. And above him, steadily growing smaller as he fell away, was a narrow slash of white.

_Oh Hyne_, he realized with icy dread, _They knocked me through the tear_. _Stupid idiot, you just got yourself killed. You were so preoccupied with that damn rogue that you just screwed up the entire mission. _

Irvine twisted his body around to see where he was going, and suddenly wished he was facing the other way again. Below him, and steadily coming closer, was a writhing and snarling mass of red and black. It reminded him of images of the moon just before the Lunar Cry; dark blobs of monsters spread across the silver surface like a cancer. And he was about to land in the middle of it.

_I'm gonna feel this in the morning_, he thought dryly. _If I even survive until morning. Hyne, I'll be lucky to survive for five minutes. _

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die. Irvine expected to see Matron and the Orphanage Gang, or maybe all of the people he had slept with. He even half-expected to see a glimpse of his real parents. But all he saw was one image; Zell's face that morning. His sapphire eyes were downcast and dejected with his bangs falling before them and around his exotic tattoo. He could hear an echo of the words they he had spoken earlier that morning.

"If you ever get a free day, we'll sit down and work on your communication skills. I'll help you figure out when to talk and when to shut your yap. Deal?"

_Sorry Zell. Looks like I won't be able to keep that promise_.

As the horde of monsters came closer, Irvine quickly checked his junctions. Without his weapon, he would have to rely on his stored magic. Much to his relief, his GFs were still with him, although something felt different. They seemed to be pulsating with a new energy, pushing to the forefront of his mind like they wanted to burst from his body. But there was no time to wonder about that now. Thrusting both hands forward, he called out to his strongest bond, the first GF he had ever junctioned. It was the one that Squall had given to him when he joined the team, and built up a strong affinity with in record time. Blue ice danced before his fingertips as he summoned Shiva.

He could feel his body fade away, pulled into a protective fog while the ice goddess attacked. But instead of stopping within the grey mist like usual, he was pulled further. The grey became a blinding white as he tumbled backward. His hands reached out for something to grab, but were only met with empty space. He could barely move his right arm, and his head throbbed too much to think. His skin tingled as the air grew colder, his breath coming out in wispy clouds. All heat drained from his body as he felt the last of his strength leave him. Injured and exhausted, violet eyes closed in resignation as the cold enveloped him.

Irvine's last thoughts were of a hyperactive and disappointed blonde martial artist as long frozen arms wrapped around his battered body.

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**Author's Notes:** Relax, Irvine's not dead. I'm not the kind of person who enjoys killing off the main character. They're more fun to torture when they're kept alive. Coming up: Irvine learns a shocking truth and makes a risqué deal.

I know that most people usually associate Shiva with Squall, but I paired Shiva with Irvine the first time I played FF VIII. I was surprised at how quickly they reached maximum affinity, so I kept them together. They just work well as a team.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: **Wow…It's been a while since I last updated. I hate it when that happens. In the time I've been gone, I have written several chapters for this story. Unfortunately, real life and my obsessive need to edit every last detail have played a major factor in the delayed updates. I want to thank everyone for their patience and encouraging reviews. Know that I am still here, still writing, and I do plan to finish this. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3**

Irvine was floating. His body was engulfed in pleasant warmth that turned his muscles to jelly. He felt protected, safe, like a child within its mother's womb. He never wanted to wake, to leave this sanctuary of blessed warmth for the cold world. But something was tugging on his mind, urging him to go back. He tried to ignore it, tried to focus only on the warmth. But someone was calling his name, someone with a voice he did not know and yet recognized at the same time. It sounded like a low pitched female, like Matron, but with an ethereal quality to it.

His mind was too tired to ponder the voice any more, so he pushed it away and settled back into the liquid heat. He resumed floating, until an icy wind brushed his forehead. The light breeze fluttered against his cheek, hair, lips. Irvine frowned and wrinkled his nose in discomfort.

"S'cold," he mumbled, the words slurred together drunkenly.

There was a laugh next to his ear, light and gentle like chiming bells. "I would imagine so, my Irvine."

The sniper's mind immediately snapped to attention. Though his eyes were too heavy to open, his mind began to assess his surroundings. He was floating in warm liquid, which explained a lot, and his head was propped on a pillow atop a harder surface. A floor or deck, most likely. A cold hand was brushing against his face, icy fingers tracing the bridge of his nose and curve of his lips. If it wasn't for the strange voice, he might have thought he was lying in his own bathtub back in Garden with a chilly lady friend. But he had a hunch that was not the case.

"Where am I?" No point in guessing when his mind was too tired to process anything obscure.

"So direct. One of many reasons why I like you," the voice laughed again as a hand brushed his neck. "You need not worry. You are safe here in my care."

_Oh yeah, that's real helpful,_ Irvine grumbled to himself. "And just who are you?"

Another laugh, cheerful and delighted. "If you would finally consent to opening your eyes, you would know, stubborn one."

The sniper let out a half hearted sigh (It was too hard to be frustrated when his body was so relaxed) and forced his violet eyes to crack open. They adjusted quickly to the dim lighting, and he soon saw that he was lying in an enormous rock pool filled with hot milky water. His nose detected the faint scent of sulfur. _A hot spring?_

His eyes traveled upward to the high domed ceiling above him. Intricate designs adorned the white, blue, and grey stones. The cavern walls were covered in similar designs. Empty blocks were scattered across the walls, emitting a soft blue glow. It was as though he was lying within a sphere of ice. Unfortunately, seeing his location only served to confuse Irvine more.

_I just went from falling through a void into an army of monsters to waking up in a hot spring inside a strangely lit cavern. What in Hyne's name is going on? _

Another finger brushed against his cheekbone, calling Irvine's attention. Violet eyes followed the long slender finger to where it connected to a hand. A blue hand. And that blue hand was connected to a pale blue arm. Irvine gulped. Suddenly he knew why the voice seemed so familiar. He had heard its echoes before, calling to him as he tapped into his junctions. Tilting his head back, he found himself looking upon a face he would only catch a glimpse of in the aftermath of a summoning.

"My, you are most adorable when your mouth hangs open like a stunned chocobo," Shiva chuckled as she brushed a lock of auburn hair from the sniper's face.

Irvine immediately recoiled, twisting his body around to search for a foothold. Unfortunately, the pool was a lot deeper than he had anticipated, and the sniper found himself fully submerged. He kicked upward until his head broke the water. Gasping for breath, he held onto the rocky edge and stared at the ice goddess who was politely laughing behind a hand. Her long body was spread out on its side along the pool, blonde and blue hair draped over her shoulders like fine silk.

"Forgive me, my Irvine. It was not my intention to startle you," she chuckled.

Irvine spit out another mouthful of bitter water before responding, his voice catching in surprise. "Shiva? What are you doing here? Where's here? What the hell's going on?"

"Peace, my Irvine, I can explain," the ice goddess placed a comforting hand on his drenched hair, as though placating a child. "You were in a rift between time and space. A crossroad between dimensions. When you summoned me, you accidentally opened another rift, one that led into my dimension, and fell through. Such a thing is easy to do in an area as delicate as you were in. But you were too weak from injuries to enter fully. So, when I returned from my summoning, I pulled you in the rest of the way."

"You brought me here?"

"Would you rather have remained between dimensions? In your weakened state, you would not have survived."

Irvine had to admit that floating half dead between dimensions was not his idea of a party, especially when he was surrounded by countless monsters without backup. At least now he was in the company of a lovely lady. "So that explains why we're in the same plane of existence...I think. But what is this place? And why am I naked in a giant pool?" Irvine blushed despite himself, relieved that the water wasn't clear.

Shiva appeared unfazed by his embarrassment. "You are in my home, an ice palace in the northernmost region of this world. The pool you are in has special healing properties. All of us have one to recover in after battles. I placed you in there to tend to your many wounds. As for being naked," she leaned forward until she was nose to nose with the dripping sniper, a coy smile upon her face. "You have always preferred to be naked when you are warm. That is why you hardly own any sleeping clothes for summer."

Irvine jerked his head away with an accusing glare. "How did you know that?"

Shiva smiled and brushed another finger along his forehead. "Well our minds _are_ linked in that pretty little head of yours," her eyes sparkled mischievously. "And you have so many adorable little quirks that I just can't help taking a peek every now and then."

"Adorable?"

"Oh yes. Simply precious. For example, you have strong emotional ties between music and your work. Whenever you have a successful mission, you listen to Otis Garner's acoustic version of 'Whiskey Woman'. You heard him play it at a café in Deiling after you got a perfect score on your first sniping exam. It became a victory theme for you. For a failed mission, you turn on The Hawks' techno hit 'Sand Beneath My Skin'. It was playing on the radio after you left the prison with Rinoa; after your first failed assignment."

"Well then, you _are_ good," Irvine chuckled, resting his chin on his folded arms with a teasing smirk. "You know my memories pertaining to fighting. I'm guessing that comes in handy when you're giving me a hand in battle."

Shiva laughed brightly. "Not really. It is just fun to poke around and see what makes you tick between missions. Your more personal quirks are the best. Like your eating habits. Who would have thought you enjoy peanut butter on your scrambled eggs?"

Irvine laughed as well. "And if you know that, then you know why I avoid eggs for breakfast after a first date. Most people are turned off by it. But I've liked that my whole life. Damned if I can remember how it started."

"You were three. It was while you were living at the orphanage with the others. All of you were helping Matron make breakfast and Zell lost his grip on the peanut butter jar. It went right into the pan. You were the only one brave enough to taste it, and found that you genuinely enjoyed it."

Frowning, the sniper raised his head. "I don't remember that."

Shiva's smile fell as she regarded him with sympathy. "Of course not. How could you remember something you have already forgotten?"

She stood then, ignoring the puzzled expression on Irvine's face. Solemnly, she held a towel out for him. "Come, there is much we have to discuss."

* * *

Irvine was quite surprised at how warm he felt, despite the fact that he was surrounded by ice. After getting out of the spring and drying off, Shiva had given him a long robe of thick, dark blue material to wear and led him out of the cavern. He followed the Guardian Force through spacious tunnels of glistening ice that had been molded into swirling patterns. Icy stalactites and stalagmites had been fashioned into intricate columns, depicting carvings of beasts and unknown symbols. They had passed by massive double doors of dark granite, leading to unknown chambers. But Shiva simply kept going straight. And all Irvine could do was follow her. At one point, he begrudgingly noticed that the slender ice goddess was at least a head taller than him, and moved as though she was floating upon clouds. While Irvine had never felt awkward around any woman before, with the exception of Matron after she was freed from Ultimecia's possession, he could not help but feel a little intimidated by this ethereal being walking before him with flawless grace and almost no clothing. He wanted to speak up several times, to ask where they were going, but kept his mouth shut. Shiva gave off an aura of timeless wisdom that was not to be questioned.

So Irvine kept his peace and followed her silently. His eyes wandered around the tunnels, taking in the intricate designs or every wall and column, while his mind wandered back to his own world. Had he really lost memories of his childhood? Were Squall and Rinoa all right? Did the techs manage to close the tear, or were they trying to rescue him first? Was it even possible for him to be rescued? Would they leave him for dead, holding some sort of memorial in his honor back at Balamb Garden? What was Shiva planning? Did he remember to turn the iron off after talking with Zell?

Ahead, Shiva chuckled and glanced at him over one delicately curved shoulder. "Yes, you did turn the iron off this morning, my Irvine. It was right before you took your shower."

He jumped at the sudden break in the silence. "How did you know what I was thinking?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow. "We're in the same dimension now, so how can you know what's in my head?"

"We are linked, my dear cowboy," Shiva smiled as she faced forward again. "Our minds are connected, even when we are physically separated. Such a connection is possible between guardians and humans with a strong enough affinity."

"So, the others have mental links like this with their strongest junctions?"

"Oh yes," she replied with a chuckle. "Alexander and Zell have a similar link, though he is not aware of it. And Diablos has a deep mental bond with Squall as well. Rinoa, Selphie, and Quistis all have such connections with some of their junctions too."

Irvine couldn't help but chuckle as well. "Squall and Diablos? That explains why he's always such a downer. Anyone would be that depressed if they had a dark demon setting up camp in their head."

"Oh Squall is dark and depressing all on his own. Diablos is actually quite pleasant and well spoken. He has been trying to push a little of his own influence on your leader, but the boy's mind is too stubborn."

That stopped Irvine in his tracks. "You know Diablos personally?"

Shiva stopped as well and turned to face the sniper, a mischievous smile brightening her features. "Well of course I do. We all live together in this world, though we have our own separate realms. All of our kind coexist in peace, though we do not all get along. Why, Ifrit detests my ice. And I dislike him for his fire and his pompous ego. I swear, he cannot visit me for a few moments before he melts one of my rooms and insults me with his holier-than-thou attitude. However, as much as I cannot stand that hairy horned trollop, I would not dream of battling him as an enemy."

Irvine just stared at her blankly. He had not expected to hear this otherworldly vision of perfection make such offhand insults. "Oh….Are there any that you get along well with?"

"But of course!" She giggled. "Bahamut and I have been the dearest of friends since the earliest ages. Siren visits me often, and we talk for endless hours. And Ramuh frequently lets me borrow books and scrolls from the vast collection he has gathered over the millennia. Many of them were written by Ramuh himself."

"Wait, who?"

"Ramuh. Oh yes, that is right. I nearly forgot that he has not appeared in your realm. It is so difficult to keep track of who is summoned where…except for Bahamut. He has gotten involved in every possible world there is."

"…Huh?" Irvine could feel a migraine coming on. He paused to slump against one of the columns, and immediately stood back up when he felt a frozen chill through the fabric of his robe. _Oh yeah, it's made of ice,_ he thought wryly. _Ice is cold. Smart move there, Kinneas._

Shiva shook her head with a smile, obviously catching his thoughts. "Forgive me, I have rambled too much. Come, let us sit and talk of more pressing matters."

She gestured toward another pair of massive doors which swung open on their own. Inside were several chaises, covered in thick white cushions and arranged in a circle. Shiva stretched out luxuriously upon one and gestured for Irvine to sit across from her. The sniper hesitated a moment in the doorway. Normally, when faced with a beautiful woman, he would be pouring on the charm and flirting like there was no tomorrow. But something about Shiva stayed his hand. Yes, she was beautiful, but there was more. To Irvine, she was beyond beautiful. He saw perfection, a vision of flawless femininity. He went to the offered chaise and sat with his legs clamped together, instead of stretching out like Shiva. He could feel heat gathering within him, reacting to the ethereal beauty before him. Somehow, Irvine figured that becoming aroused in the presence of his own GF was more than a little rude. Shiva smiled knowingly at his hesitation, but did not press the matter.

"Would you care for food or drink?" she asked instead. "I can have my servants bring you something?"

"Um…no thanks," Irvine hesitated. The situation was weird enough as it was. The last thing he needed right now was to see little snow fairies, or tap dancing penguins, or whatever Shiva kept as servants.

"Very well. I suppose you are curious about the memory loss I mentioned earlier."

Irvine nodded. "I don't understand it. Of all of the Orphanage Gang, I was the only one who remembered everything that happened when we were kids. Some of the happiest moments I've had in my life took place there with them. I take a lot of pride in retaining those memories, like it's my destiny or something to be a keeper of the past."

"Destiny is a strange thing, my Irvine. Many believe that it is something one is born to do. However, after observing the lives of countless heroes, I believe that destiny is usually created by one's self. I have seen people living happy lives that were shattered by tragedy, choosing to stand up and fight back and inadvertently becoming legendary. Their choice to fight shaped their destiny. Your retention of memories was not destiny, but circumstance. You never junctioned before the reunion with your friends, so you never experienced any memory loss. Now you have formed strong junctions, so your memories are fading. I am truly sorry for that."

"Do all of your 'countless heroes' have to go through this?" The sniper frowned. He could smell her, even though the ice goddess was several feet away. Her scent clung to his senses, a deep and heavenly musk that wafted on a winter breeze. Irvine had read about creatures that emitted pheromones to attract others, and wondered if the ice goddess was the same way. He tried to push it from his mind and concentrate on what she was saying, but the alluring scent persisted.

"Certainly not," Shiva shook her head as she shifted her position, giving Irvine a glorious view of her ample chest. "There are many worlds out there, my Irvine. All of them can exist at the same time or years apart. There is no standard flow of time between them. In each world, the people are different, and my kind appear differently too. In some worlds, certain humans are born with the natural ability to summon. In other worlds, anyone can summon us through special jewels. One world involves natural talent and jewels. There is even a world where humans summon us using our remains. But that only works if we willingly grant them our power before dying."

Irvine nodded. He had no idea what she was talking about, but that seemed to be the polite response.

"In any case," Shiva continued. "Humans from any world have the same mental potential. A normal person only uses a small percentage of their brain, leaving a great deal of wasted space. We summons, or Guardian Forces as your world refers to us, help people to use that wasted potential and expand their mental prowess. It is perfectly safe when we link to a human properly. For the born summoners, our mental presence is as natural as their senses of smell and vision. Those who summon us through external means do not have such strong links, and they can think normally without any hindrance. Although that may not always be a good thing. Several of my allies have worked with a man who is more dark and depressed than your Squall could ever hope to be. A strong bond could help to ease his pain from the demons within, but that is impossible in his world."

Irvine realized his eyes had wandered down to the ice goddesses' shapely legs while she had been talking and quickly brought them back to her face. That face was amazing; pale and narrow with eyes that seemed to delve into his very soul. He could feel heat rising within him as he lost himself in those deep sapphire pools, full of timeless wisdom. The sniper suddenly realized what he was doing when he felt a blush stain his cheeks and shook his head to clear it.

"So why does it hurt people in my world?" he spoke quickly, hoping she had not noticed his wandering thoughts. In hindsight, he realized she probably had. "Why do we suffer from memory loss when everyone else is hunky dory?"

Shiva merely smiled and shifted again until she was laying on her stomach. "As I said, it is perfectly safe when we link properly with humans. In your world, this is not the case. A wild Guardian Force who willingly junctions to a human is not a threat. But when we are transferred from human to human, there is a problem. Transferring between people is very uncomfortable for us because we are thrust into the mind of a new person with unknown intentions. When we are transferred, our minds do not link properly with our new summoner, and that summoner's mind then views us as an intruder. We are seen as an invading parasite. So the body reacts by blocking off parts of the mind in defense against us, including your access to long term memories. Yours did the same thing when I was first transferred from Squall to you. The fact of the matter is that we do not block memories. Your mind blocks the memories on its own."

"I suppose that makes sense," Irvine sighed. Was she intentionally wiggling that tight little bottom, or was the scent making him delusional? "But that doesn't explain what happened to Selphie. She lost her memories after junctioning a _wild_ GF when she was a kid."

"Selphie was too young. Her mind was not fully developed, so the link was not created properly. Only born summoners can create proper links at that age. But even among the born, the human mind is not capable of utilizing our power to the fullest until they are sixteen. That is when the mind becomes mature. Although there have been a few exceptions, like Madeen's girl."

The sniper chose to ignore that last comment. This was too much extra information for him to handle right now. "So you're saying that, despite this fabulous bond you claim to share with my mind, my body still thinks you're a parasite?"

The ice goddess nodded. "The process began the moment I was transferred to you. It cannot be reversed. However, it can be altered."

Irvine sat up straighter, curiosity piqued. "How? I'll do whatever it takes to keep my memories. If I lose them, then that's it. No one will remember our lives together in that orphanage."

Shiva smiled knowingly, her eyes holding the sniper's violet gaze. "Your body needs to recognize me as a symbiotic being, instead of a parasite. To do that, we must have more than a mental link. We need a physical bond."

Irvine shifted uncomfortably as the scent engulfed his senses with overwhelming intensity. His heart pounded, sending fiery blood through his body, especially to a certain spot between his legs. "How do we do that?" he mentally kicked himself for asking something that naïve.

"There are many ways," Shiva purred, her icy eyes narrowing. "An exchange of energy, or blood, or…_other_ fluids. Personally, I prefer a bonding in the most sensual way. I see your mind, and I know you desire that too."

Gulping, Irvine nodded mutely, too entranced by the desire in the ice goddess' eyes to hide the tent in his robe any longer.

She rose to her feet in one fluid motion and practically glided over until she stood in front of him. Slender fingers raised his chin so she could look into his face, spreading gentle heat through his skin. "Tell me, my Irvine," she whispered softly, fingers stroking his cheek. "Will you create this bond by lying with me?"

Some rational part of Irvine's mind was screaming for him to deny her. This was too easy. There had to be some catch to sleeping with this perfect woman … goddess … whatever she was, even if he did get his lost memories back. But, despite his doubts, Irvine was still a teenager. And teenagers are ultimately ruled by their hormones. Locking his eyes with hers, his voice whispered back.

"Yes."

**Author's Notes**: Before people start flaming me for a hetero pairing, I have one thing to say. "Get over it." There will be M/M later, but for now, this pairing is vital to the story. That being said, I hope this chapter is well received. Coming up: Irvine and Shiva get together, but something doesn't seem right…

Wow. I agonized for weeks about how Shiva would explain the problems with junctioning. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and I got to make reference to other Final Fantasy games as well. Can everyone find them?


	4. Chapter 4

Happy Halloween everyone! I hope you all enjoy this little treat of a chapter.

**Warning:** Here by het!

Chapter 4

She rose to her feet in one fluid motion and practically glided over until she stood in front of him. Slender fingers raised his chin so she could look into his face, spreading gentle heat through his skin. "Tell me, my Irvine," she whispered softly, fingers stroking his cheek. "Will you create this bond by lying with me?"

Some rational part of Irvine's mind was screaming for him to deny her. This was too easy. There had to be some catch to sleeping with this perfect woman … goddess … whatever she was, even if he did get his lost memories back. But, despite his doubts, Irvine was still a teenager. And teenagers are ultimately ruled by their hormones. Locking his eyes with hers, his voice whispered back.

"Yes."

Shiva smirked at his whispered consent. "I had hoped you would agree to this. Long has it been since I was last linked to such a sensual mind. My body has desired to form a physical bond with you since the day I was first junctioned to you. I guarantee that we both shall take great pleasure from this agreement. However, I must be certain that you understand the full ramifications of a bonding such as this."

Irvine could feel his ego, along with other parts, deflate a bit. He was raring to go, mind and body fully focused on the prospect of having sex with this living deity, and she had to ruin the mood by talking politics. This was why he generally avoided being with much older women. For them, foreplay meant conversation.

"What do you mean?" he groaned as he shifted to relieve some pressure between his legs.

Shiva smiled as she shifted to sit fully in his lap, unwilling to let him find that relief. "Consequences, my Irvine," she purred, slipping a pale blue hand into the plush robe to rub the flesh beneath. "Intimacy between a human and a Guardian Force always has a price. My kind possess powers beyond the comprehension of a normal human, and tasting that power through any physical bond can cause many changes in you. Every union is different, so the results can never be predicted. But you may lose a part of yourself in the process. Are you willing to take that risk?"

_Am I willing to risk it? Hell yeah!_ Irvine's mind cried out as a second hand began to massage his hardness through the material. _Not only will I get my memories back, but I'll get them by having sex with a goddess. This is a once-in-a-lifetime offer, and I'd be a complete idiot to refuse. Any risk is worth it. Even if I can never have sex again, I'll have achieved something that mankind can't possibly dream of. This may be the best sex I will ever have in my entire life!_

Shiva smiled, though whether it was because she read his mind or simply recognized the resolve that settled in the sniper's violet eyes remained unsaid. Leaning forward, she whispered into his ear. "This is your last chance to refuse. Do you consent?"

Irvine shivered as the icy breeze fluttered across his ear, leaving a wave of gentle heat in its wake. His body hummed in anticipation as he whispered back to her. "I consent."

"So be it," Shiva purred before bringing their lips together for the first time.

All thoughts and doubts vanished from Irvine's mind as he accepted her kiss. Her scent engulfed his senses, snow and skin and the musky aroma of arousal. The mood was perfect. The kiss was perfect. Shiva was perfect. Everything felt perfect as Irvine opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, and felt her tongue brush against his. There was nothing cold about her mouth. Instead, it was hot, wet, and firm as their tongues began to duel for dominance. This continued until Irvine was forced to pull away and gasp for breath. His heart pounded as he inhaled deeply, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Shiva. The ice goddess was not panting like he was, though her eyes were hazy with obvious lust.

"More?" she purred, pushing her hips toward his.

Moaning, Irvine nodded. "More," he gasped.

Smiling, she slid off his lap and stood before him. One hand was held out to him, beckoning Irvine to rise. He complied immediately, violet eyes locked onto sapphire. She took his hand and slowly walked away, pulling him toward another door that he had failed to notice earlier. Unlike the other doors in Shiva's home, these were a deep cobalt color with silver highlights in the unknown carvings. A flick of the GF's wrist caused the twin doors to swing open with a loud groan.

The sight of the room beyond was enough to tear his eyes away from Shiva's exquisite form. Before him was the grandest bedroom he had ever seen in his life. It was a circular room, at least five times the size of his dorm at Balamb Garden, with smooth walls rising up to a high domed ceiling. Massive stalactites of ice hung from the dome at odd angles, glowing brightly and filling the room with soft white lighting. He could see a flight of stairs on the left leading down to a large pool, big enough for at least ten people to sit in comfortably, and a collection of pillows scattered across an azure carpet to the right. A massive cabinet of ice stood to the back with dozens of crystal bottles visible through its clear doors. But the thing that held Irvine's attention was the massive bed situated atop a raised platform in the center of the room.

The bed seemed to be formed from a giant mass of icicles that had melted together. The ice had formed a smoothly curved bowl in the center with shards sticking out of the sides from every angle. Within that bowl was a deep blue mattress surrounded by dozens of downy pillows in different shades of blue, silver, and gold. There did not appear to be any blankets though, a fact which surprised Irvine. Wouldn't it be cold in a room made of ice? However, upon further inspection, he discovered that the temperature in the room was actually quite pleasant.

His observations were quickly ended when Shiva turned his face for another deep kiss. Irvine's attentions were immediately on her again. The kiss was deep and passionate, and Irvine was more than willing to participate. He could not even begin to describe the taste of her, an exotic ambrosia that no mortal could ever hope to sample. She held his head in place with one hand while the other ran through his unbound hair. Feeling daring, the sniper reached out to touch her for the first time. Shiva moaned encouragingly as he rested one hand on the base of her neck and the other on her narrow hips. Her tiny mew of delight emboldened Irvine and prompted him to move those hands further down her back and thigh.

Shiva continued to kiss him throughout it all, sighs of pleasure muffled by their dueling tongues. As Irvine's fingers ghosted against her skin, the ice goddess slowly pushed away at the robe until it fell to his feet. The sniper whimpered as air touched his naked skin, but did not stop his wandering hands. Gradually, his hands moved upward to cup the thin metal plates that barely covered her ample chest.

Reluctantly breaking off the kiss, Irvine searched Shiva's eyes for permission. Normally, he would not hesitate to strip a woman. In all of his experiences, he had never heard one complaint about how he worshiped skin revealed as he slowly peeled away layers of clothing. However, the ancient power that seemed to radiate from the GF before him stayed his hand. While he wanted nothing more than to feel her supple flesh beneath his palms, he did not dare do anything that would sully this beautiful creature. Shiva's eyes narrowed in predatory lust upon seeing his silent pleading, and gently pushed herself into his hands. Her own hands guided his in removing the shining metal, revealing herself to him for the first time. Somehow Irvine was not surprised to see that they were dark blue.

His hesitation instantly vanished, and the sniper leaned down to feel her flesh with fingers and tongue. The taste was even more amazing than her lips. Shiva leaned into the touch, moaning in satisfaction. Irvine could not help but smirk at her response. After all, how many men could claim that they made a goddess squirm in pleasure? Shiva apparently caught that particular thought and gently pushed him away, her eyes silently chiding him like an amused parent to a mischievous child. And like a mischievous child, Irvine quickly pulled back and smiled sheepishly. The ice goddess merely chuckled and pushed him back toward the massive bed. Irvine caught the message in her gesture; she was in charge of this venture, and he should only do as he was told.

The mere thought of Shiva controlling him sent a wave of heat straight to Irvine's groin, and he obediently climbed onto the dark mattress. He knelt down and turned to face her, forcing his body to stay still like a pet awaiting its master's commands. Ironically, that was what this situation had become. Shiva was the master, an elder being whose touch could comfort or destroy at any moment, and Irvine was her pet to play with in whatever way she pleased. Surprisingly, Irvine did not mind giving her full control of him at all.

Shiva smiled in approval at the sniper's obedience and slowly began to ascend the stairs to the bed. As she walked, her hands reached down to unfasten the plate between her legs, the last bit of clothing that hid her full beauty from him. Completely bare, she crawled up beside Irvine and gently stroked her fingers across his cheek.

"Lie back," she whispered softly and Irvine immediately complied, much to her obvious delight. No one could ever say that the sniper was not a quick learner. She smiled again as she hovered over him. "Now relax and do not think. Let your pleasure control your actions."

When she kissed him again, he lost his mind.

Irvine was drowning in sensation. His body was flooded with heat and pleasure swirling through his head as she rubbed herself against him. He could no longer control his body consciously. His hands raised on their own accord to massage her breasts, and his legs stroked against her thighs without any command from his mind. It was almost as though his mind had become detached from his physical body, feeling his actions and seeing them played out at the same time. Irvine felt as though he were another person standing by and watching Shiva lower her mouth between another man's legs. And yet he could feel her hot breath around him at the same time. He threw his head back and growled like a feral beast at the sensation.

For all of his experience, all of his conquests with men and women alike, nothing could have prepared him for joining with a Guardian Force. He felt as though he were fourteen again, his body awkwardly trying to get used to the new way in which his body was responding to the foreign touch of a lover. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he tried to recall the face of the first person he had been with. She had been another cadet, only a year or two older than him. But how he had met her and why they had ended up together in his bed eluded him. He frowned at the thought. He had never forgotten a bed partner before. Was this another memory that he had lost because of junctioning? He almost remembered her name, but the thought was banished as Shiva guided him into her.

From that point on, no other thoughts entered his mind, save for those that focused on Shiva and the electrifying sensations that coursed through his body. He wanted to touch her, to return the favors her hands were bestowing to him. But his body could not act, only react to every touch, caress, and command. His hips lifted to meet hers with every thrust while his gazed roamed over her body. Violet eyes drank in everything about her, her sapphire eyes clouded with desire, her pale lips that parted with every moan, and the heaving of her chest. The heat that rushed around him as she attained her peak pushed him over the edge, his arms latching around her waist to hold her tightly as they both trembled. He wanted to kiss her, but could not force his arms to pull her down to him. She seemed to sense his desire and leaned down to capture his mouth again.

They continued for what felt like hours. She rode him again and took him in her mouth when he did not peak with her. He had pulled her body up to taste her as well, and reveled in her musky scent. She even allowed him be on top once. At one point, Irvine had passed out from the overwhelming sensations. He awoke a short while later in the small pool. Judging from how refreshed he felt, Irvine assumed that it was filled with the same liquid as the healing spring he had woken up in earlier. There must have been some sort of aphrodisiac in the water, since he was instantly erect again. Then again, it may have been because Shiva was giving him a very wet lap dance.

"There's no way I should still be conscious," he gasped as he held onto her writhing body.

"I have many tricks to keep both of us going for a long time," Shiva purred. "Do not worry about your stamina. Leave everything to me."

Irving couldn't complain about that. From that point on, they did not limit themselves to the bed. Instead, they came together in the pool and again while stretched out on the pile of pillows. Irvine knew that it was not humanly possible to come so many times, and yet he did. Whatever Shiva was doing to his body obviously worked.

His mind continued to swirl with unknown emotions as they moved together. He would occasionally feel thoughts in his head that were not his own. They were whispered in a language he did not understand, and yet felt soft and warm, much like Shiva herself. Her lips and fingers left no portion of his body untouched. Every brush of her skin sent heat coursing through his body, and Irvine marveled at how a being of ice could radiate so much warmth.

They had made it back to the bed by the time Irvine's body finally gave out. His mind, though disappointed to notice that Shiva had outlasted him, was grateful for the rest. He did not dream. Instead, the foreign thoughts in that strange language continued to swirl about in his mind. It was almost like a song was being sung to him. The words, though he had no idea what they meant, troubled him. His body seemed to absorb them as they were spoken and his skin began to feel too hot.

Suddenly, a tidal wave of images exploded before his mind's eye. He saw faces from his youth and instantly knew who each person was; old teachers, classmates, and the rest of the Orphanage Gang when they were children. There were places he did not remember visiting and experiences he had forgotten about. All of it swirled about in his mind like a colorful whirlpool, draining back into his long term memory. The sudden release of memories hit him like a sledgehammer, yet the constant lilting melody in the background kept his mind relaxed and lulled him deeper into slumber. Too exhausted to fight the words and images, he gave in to unconsciousness.

When Irvine awoke again, he was alone on the massive ice bed. Wearily, he lifted his head and looked around the room for Shiva, but saw no trace of the GF. He tried to get up and look for her, but found that every muscle in his body was throbbing painfully. His head was also pounding, but the pure joy of recalling things he did not remember losing more than made up for it. Irvine could not help but smile when he noticed that the muscles around his groin were the sorest of all.

_Oh well,_ he sighed with a tired smile. _For all the soreness, it was well worth it. I just had an unbelievable night, and she kept her promise about returning my memories. Hyne, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I've got to ask Shiva if I can take some of that stuff in the pool home with me. I'd love to experiment with it…and a couple of willing partners. _

The sniper was about to close his eyes and sleep off the ache some more when he heard voices speaking in whispered tones. Raising his head again, he noticed that the door leading out to the lounge was slightly ajar. If he tilted his head to just the right angle, he could see two shadows, one small and thin, the other large and bulky.

"Do not worry, he is asleep," Irvine recognized Shiva's voice, husky and unbelievable sexy even when whispering.

"I am not surprised. Your exploits with human visitors are well known to all of us, rare as their kind may be in this world," the other voice was deep and rumbling, yet hollow.

Shiva chuckled. "Do not forget that you asked this of me. Although I would have bedded him anyway, regardless of your scheme. His mind and body are far too sensual to pass up."

There was a long hiss of a sigh. "I am still uncertain of this. You may have damaged him beyond repair. Are you sure that this will go as we agreed?"

"Do not worry. He is strong, and I am in full control of my powers. All will go according to plan."

"I hope so, for his sake."

"My Irvine will be fine."

"I was not speaking of him."

"Ah yes. You have spoken of your concerns regarding the other. Do not fear. The journey will be difficult, but their destinies will come to pass."

"I look to you to guide this, Shiva. He can not hear me, and so I am powerless in this venture."

"I shall do what must be done. Now, I must see to my handsome guest. Farewell."

The large shadow faded away and Shiva appeared in the doorway. Irvine squinted his eyes shut, just enough to watch her while looking like he was still asleep. The ice goddess was dressed again, if those three little plates could be considered "dressed", and her face was tight with worry. Her eyes were not drawn to him, and the sniper could see that she was preoccupied. He wanted to ask her who her guest was, and why they were talking about him and someone else, but chose to observe instead. After all, observation was what snipers did best.

Shiva walked past the bed to the cabinet in back. He could hear the tinkling of vials as she moved them and closed the cabinet door. She paused for a moment before heaving a huge sigh. Whether it was a sigh of relief or frustration, Irvine was not certain. He could barely hear her footsteps as she moved back to the bed. Closing his eyes tightly, he willed his body to relax and continue to give off the impression that he was still asleep. It seemed to work as Shiva crawled next to him and shook his shoulder gently.

"Wake up, my Irvine," she purred into his ear, blowing puffs of chilled air over his skin.

Irvine shivered and opened his eyes. She smiled at the exhaustion in his violet gaze and pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Good morning, my dear one," she whispered. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"If I told you 'no', would you do all of that again?" he smirked, his usual charm awakening along with the rest of his body.

The Guardian Force giggled and rewarded him with another kiss, this time on the lips. "Perhaps I shall."

Irvine still wanted to ask her about the conversation he had overheard. Who had she talked to and what were they planning for him and this other person? But those thoughts were thrown to the wayside as he surrendered himself to her magical touch once again.

**Author's Notes: **I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. This was the first sex scene I've ever written, and I'm really happy with how it turned out. Please let me know what you think. Feel free to leave any comments or constructive criticism.

Coming up: The way home hurts like hell…


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the lateness of this chapter. Life likes to throw curve balls which delay posting. Enjoy!

Chapter 5

Irvine was in heaven. His body was sated and relaxed after feeling so much pleasure. A quick bath in Shiva's small recovery pool had replenished his energy, and his skin smelled of the fragrant soap the ice goddess had washed him with. They both were currently lounging on the pile of pillows, naked and cuddling like any normal pair of lovers. Shiva had taken to quizzing the sniper on his regained memories, lazily stroking his flanks with long slender fingers whenever he answered correctly.

"Who was the first girl you ever flirted with?" Shiva giggled as Irvine nuzzled an earlobe.

"Ellone," He responded immediately. "I was only four at the time, had no idea what I was doing back then. But it seemed to work. I brought her flowers I'd picked outside and kept telling her how pretty she was since it always made her smile. Squall wasn't too thrilled about it, though."

Shiva smiled. "Tell me about it," She pressed, already knowing the answer herself, but wanting to see what Irvine could recall.

"He was probably jealous, seeing as how Ellone was his only connection to his family. Hyne, she pretty much was the only family he had left. He wanted her full attention all the time. He ran out and started tearing flowers out of the ground so I would stop. Matron was really mad, but she didn't punish him very harshly. If I remember correctly, he had to help her plant a whole bunch of new flowers. If it had been Seifer who did it, she would have been a lot more strict. That boy was always raising hell; teasing the girls, pushing Zell around until he cried, always acting like a big shot. I guess he hasn't changed that much."

"Have any of them really changed that much?" Shiva purred as she rewarded him by stroking his chest.

Irvine chuckled. "I guess not. Squall's still quiet and broody, Quisty's kept her know-it-all attitude, Selphie is still bright and cheerful, and Zell…Well maybe he's changed a little. He's still really sensitive, but his confidence has grown. The only things that seem to really get him down are Seifer and girls…damn."

"What?" Shiva asked as he frowned. "Is something wrong?"

"I promised to help Zell with his dating problems. But I'm stuck here," He saw Shiva raise an eyebrow and quickly spoke. "Not that that's a bad thing, of course."

"You dislike breaking promises, I know," The ice goddess smiled and rubbed one knee between his legs to regain his attention. "And this one shall not be broken. You can return to your world whenever you wish."

Irvine sat up with a look of disbelief. "What!? Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"Because you would not have cared. Your mind was so focused on my body that going home was not very important," She chided him gently. "You must take care not to let lust cloud your judgment, my Irvine. For if you do, you may miss something very important."

The sniper winced at her cryptic words. "Are you saying that last night was a mistake?"

She answered him with a deep kiss. "Certainly not. I have desired you for a long time, and was not about to let you leave without tasting your lovely body. I will always be willing to pleasure you, even if it is only in your mind. I am merely giving you advice for the future."

Irvine moaned as she moved to kiss his neck. "Good to know. So how do I get back?"

Shiva smiled and stood. "Get dressed and follow me," she said, gathering her discarded coverings scattered across the floor and depositing them on the bed. "After I give you a proper goodbye, of course."

An hour later, Irvine was fully dressed and following Shiva through the large ice tunnels that made up her home. His old clothes had been cleaned and mended while he had been busy, the blood from his injuries gone. He wondered once again what kind of servants Shiva had, and thought he saw the shadows of tiny beings moving about in the tunnels. If the ice goddess had heard his thoughts, which she most likely did, she did not grant him an answer.

"Sending you back should be a simple task," She spoke up suddenly, startling the sniper out of his musings. "There are many weak spots in the barriers that separate our world from others. My kind and I have built our homes around these weak spots and use our powers to open them, thus we can travel to different dimension when we are needed. Or, we can stop half-way and enter the crossroads. That is how I was able to find you and bring you here."

Irvine nodded mutely. That seemed to make sense.

Shiva looked back to see his acknowledgement before continuing. "In order to go back, one of the weak spots must be opened and you must travel through it."

"Hold on," Irvine sighed, running a hand through long auburn hair. "I've got two issues with this whole thing. One: I have no idea how to open any portals. I don't have the same powers as all of you GFs. Two: I don't know how to travel through them like you do. For all I know, I could end up stuck in the crossroads again or in a different dimension entirely. And neither of those options sound too appealing."

"Fear not, my Irvine. I will be the one that will actually open the portal. I will also guide you through it so that you arrive where you are supposed to."

"And how exactly are you going to do that?"

Shiva smiled. "The same way that I always do. I will be summoned."

"Huh?"

"When I am summoned, I use the link to my summoner to travel to their world. It is quite simple, really."

"No no, that's not what I was 'huh'ing," The sniper shook his head. "You can only be summoned if you're junctioned to someone. You're junctioned to me. So how are you going to be summoned if I'm standing right here?"

Shiva giggled again. She seemed to do that a lot when she knew something Irvine did not. Rolling his eyes, he gestured for her to elaborate.

"Yes, you are the one that will summon me, dear one. However, I will use a different link to guide us. You forget that I was junctioned to Squall before you. I built up enough of a link with your commander that I can focus on him while we are traveling."

"So you're going to use Squall as a living homing beacon? He's gonna hate that."

"Oh, he will not feel a thing. It should be perfectly safe."

Irvine paused mid-step. "Wait. What do you mean by 'it should be'?"

The Guardian Force paused as well, her smile a bit chagrined. "Well, it has been a long time since I have attempted to do something like this, and the circumstances then were much different. But everything should work out fine."

"Great," Irvine grumbled as they continued on their way again.

The pair finally arrived before yet another door, this one made of polished silver without any carvings. A gesture from Shiva caused the doors to open inwards, revealing another room. This one was domed like her chambers, although much smaller and lacking any decoration. The only thing within the room was a mass of swirling black and purple hovering in the center. It did not pulse like the tears he had seen in his world. Instead, the colors seemed to flow gently together.

"This spot is stable, unlike the ones that have appeared in your world," Shiva answered his unasked question. "I have tended this portal for many millennia, so it is perfectly safe. All you need to do is enter. Wait a few moments and summon me. I shall then follow you in and guide you home."

"Right," Irvine whispered before approaching the portal. He could feel the power radiating from it, and could not help but feel a little intimidated. He stopped a few steps from it and turned back to Shiva. "Listen…Thanks for everything. You know, for restoring my memories and telling me all of that stuff and…well…for being so amazing in bed," he flashed her one of his flirty smirks which she returned with one of her own. "Will I ever see you again outside of summoning?"

Her smile softened and she regarded him with gentle eyes. "Of course. We are fully bonded. If you ever need to see me, just close your eyes and you will find me. I will be with you always. Now go. Return to your world."

The sniper nodded his acknowledgement and turned. Taking a deep breath, he took the final few steps into the dark mass.

As soon as he had entered, Irvine noticed three things. It was very dark, it was very cold, and he was moving out of control. His body was spinning in no particular direction, and he was powerless to stop it. At least he thought he was spinning. It was a little hard to tell when he could not tell up from down. His body just seemed to hang in the air, like it did when Shiva had pulled him from the crossroads. Remembering the ice goddess, he quickly felt for her in his mind. She was there, a reassuring presence. Reaching out to her mentally, he summoned.

Shiva was at his side in an instant. Her arms enveloped him, ending the spinning and setting him, hopefully, on the path home. She squeezed him softly before she began to fade away.

"Farewell, my dear Irvine," She whispered into his ear, sending pleasant warmth down his spine. "Forgive me."

And then the pain started.

It felt like someone had shoved a gunblade into his gut and pulled the trigger. Pain exploded from the core of his body and spread through every cell. Every beat of his heart sent bolts of white hot agony down to his fingertips. Something inside him threatened to tear him apart, while pressure outside his body tried to squash him into oblivion. He tried to center his thoughts to dull the pain, but to no avail. His head ached and his mind spun as it was bombarded by voices, feelings, and images. They were within him and all around him at the same time. Irvine thought he recognized a few of the faces that flashed by his mind's eye, friends and past lovers, but the rest was a blur of chaotic colors.

Then he felt the hands. Dozens of them pressed against his body, passing through his clothes to reach the skin below. Irvine forced his eyes open to see if the grasping fingers were real or an illusion, but only saw darkness. A sharp stab of pain in his head forced the sniper to shut his eyes with a grimace. The hands continued to move, brushing over every inch of his skin and missing nothing. Every spot they touched began to pulse with heat. At first, it was an uncomfortable warmth, like the beginning of a sun burn, and then it evolved into a feverish temperature. Then it exploded into the heat of a raging wildfire. He could feel his blood heat beneath his skin, threatening to boil him alive.

Irvine wanted to scream or whimper, to make some sort of noise, but found that his chest and throat had constricted. What little oxygen slipped past his throat choked him and burned his already overheated lungs. He could not hold back his panic as he gasped for the tiniest breath. The sniper's body convulsed with silent screams as he was burned alive, inside and out. In his agony, he failed to notice the slash of white light approaching him through the darkness. Moments later, his mind barely registered that he had stopped moving and was lying on a solid surface.

The voices around him grew in volume, but the words were too muffled to understand. Irvine thought he heard a few vaguely familiar ones call his name. Every tone made his head throb, and he wanted nothing more than to cover his ears. If only he could move his hands, or his arms, or any part of his body for that matter.

Two more hands touched him. They were small and gentle, definitely female, and felt more solid than any of the others. One hand lifted his head, resting it against something soft, while the other brushed against his forehead and left fiery lashes in its wake. Irvine managed to release a weak whimper of pain and tried to twist his body away.

Another pair reached for him. These were larger and stronger as they firmly gripped his shoulders. But unlike the other hands, they did not reach beyond his clothing. Irvine could feel his skin heat up under the touch, but did not burn like it had with the others. Still, he tried to twist away again.

"Hold still, damnit," A deep male voice growled as the strong hands shook his shoulders briefly.

One of the gentle hands settled in his hair and a female voice gasped. "Squall, he's burning up!"

The strong hands lessened their grip. "Get the medics here now!" The male voice called out.

The second gentle hand placed something damp and cool against his brow. He heard the female voice again, whispering gently above him. "Hold on, Irvine. We're taking you home."

She said "home". Irvine's body relaxed, despite the intense agony, at that word. He was going home. With that thought in mind, he finally gave in to the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.

**A/N: **Poor Irvine. I am so mean to him. And this is just the beginning…

Coming up: Irvine is reunited with his friends, but something doesn't feel right…


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

When Irvine finally regained consciousness, he was aware of three things; someone was singing, the world was a lot brighter, and he felt like shit. He identified the singing immediately, recognizing Shiva's low timbre as she recited those incomprehensible lyrics in a flowing hymn. Her voice resonated within his skull and seeped into every cell, relaxing him. Figuring out why he was surrounded by white instead of black took him a little longer. Half awake, he stayed still for a few minutes and allowed his senses to gather information. He was lying down on some sort of bed. The mattress was thin and the sheets were stiff, but it was a lot better than floating in the surreal void of his mind. His ears picked up various sounds beyond Shiva's song, the muted beeping of machines and the soft drip of liquid, while his nose detected a very sterile smell. From these observations, Irvine determined that he must be in some sort of medical center. He viewed this as a good thing, since his body felt like it had been trampled by a herd of hexdragons.

The sharp, fiery pain was gone, replaced by a dull throbbing throughout his body. Everything from head to toe was stiff and sore. His lungs ached as though he had been breathing too hard for too long, which he probably had been, and his heart seemed to be a beat slower than usual. Fatigue coursed through his body, robbing him of the energy and strength he needed to move. Irvine tried to remember how he had gotten in this state, but his mind drew a blank. All he could remember was stepping into the tear, summoning Shiva, and then the excruciating pain of being burned from the inside out. The last thing his mind recalled was a voice saying he was going home.

Shiva's continued to sing throughout his musings. The words seemed to permeate his physical body and soothe some of the dull ache. Too tired to figure out what was going on anymore, Irvine slipped back into the recesses of his mind and listened. The melody was beautiful and haunting, radiating ancient power. As Irvine listened, he noticed that Shiva's voice was changing. Her tone went lower, losing its feminine timbre and becoming more masculine. The pitch also changed, going from trained perfection to slightly off-key. As the voice changed, so did the song. The archaic words melted into his own language as the melody transitioned from slow and graceful to upbeat and clipped. In fact, the sniper thought he recognized the new tune.

Irvine felt himself frown when he realized that the singing was no longer in his mind, but a few feet away from his body. Curious, he summoned the strength necessary to open his eyes. He was immediately assaulted by bright fluorescent lighting. _Well that explains why everything's brighter_, he mused wryly. Shifting his eyes, Irvine was able to see that he was indeed in a medical center. The beeping came from machines monitoring his vitals next to the bed and the dripping was from a fluid IV attached to his wrist. The thin mattress and stiff sheets were definitely hospital variety. After all, why would anyone bother to purchase comfortable beds when they could buy the latest medical gadgets? Glancing to his right, he saw an open window. The sheer white curtains fluttered in a breeze that carried a slight scent of warm salt water. Irvine smiled slightly and relaxed as he heard the distant cry of seagulls. The voice had kept its promise. He was back home in Balamb Garden.

The singing continued, and Irvine quickly shifted his attention back to it. In all his life, the sniper would never have imagined he would wake up in the Balamb infirmary with Zell Dincht at his bedside. The martial artist was leaning back in one of the flimsy plastic guest chairs with his feet propped up against the foot of the bed. He was singing softly to himself as he thumbed through a magazine, brow furrowed in concentration. Irvine had to admit that the blonde had a decent voice overall, though he hit a couple of sour notes every now and then. As Zell continued to sing, Irvine finally recognized the lyrics and had to hold back a chuckle. It was an offbeat song about a man's hallucinations after binge drinking, and Zell was singing the part where the man saw a lobster and a hamster playing poker.

"You forgot the part about the lobster cutting the cards," Irvine spoke up, voice rough and weary.

Irvine would never forget the look on Zell's face as the fighter started, lost his balance, and fell backwards onto the floor with a yelp.

The blonde jumped back to his feet in an instant. "Hey man, you're awake!" he cried out with a wide grin.

"No kidding," Irvine chuckled weakly.

"Wow, we were really worried. When Squall and Rinoa and the team came back, you were in really bad shape. You had this high fever and Dr. Kadowaki didn't think you'd recover before your brain melted or something, and the whole group's been taking turns sitting with you for two days now to make sure you didn't die or anything. It was touch and go at first, but then you kinda stabilized this morning, at least your temperature was better and the doc said something about 'no more delerium', so we figured you were gonna be ok. Say, are you hungry? Cause it's almost lunch time, and I'm starving, and you probably wanna eat something after being all comatose. Can I get you a hot dog or something cause I'm gonna get a hot dog."

"Dear Hyne, Zell, breathe!" Irvine rolled his eyes as he tried to sit up and failed miserably. "First off, I don't think I can keep anything down right now. Second, how the hell did I get a fever? Third, how long did you say I was out?"

Zell's manic grin sobered as he picked up the fallen chair and sat down so he was eye to eye with the recovering sniper. "Two days, man. As for the fever, none of us are really sure why you had one. Rinoa said you were injured during the mission and got thrown into the tear, and then a couple minutes later, you kinda materialized out of thin air. You were barely conscious and had a dangerously high fever. Squall knew you needed medical attention fast, but Shumi Village was completely locked down because of the monster attack, and Trabia Garden's infirmary isn't rebuilt yet. So, he and Rinoa loaded you onto the Ragnorak and flew you back to Balamb."

Irvine closed his eyes with a sigh. Something must have been triggered when he was traveling between dimensions. That certainly explained why he felt like he was on fire before passing out. That also explained why his whole body felt terrible. The stress caused by high fevers could wreak a lot of havoc on the human body. Everything made sense except… "Wait, did you say I was gone for five minutes?"

The fighter shrugged. "More or less. That's just what Rinoa told me. What happened to you inside that tear?"

Instantly, images of his time with Shiva swirled through Irvine's head. All of that talk, all of that sex, had occurred over several hours. Then again, he had no concept of the passage of time while he had been in the ice goddess' realm. For all he knew, he could have been Shiva's guest for several days. There was no possible way that he could have only been gone for a matter of minutes.

After a few moments, Irvine finally shook his head with a sigh. "I'm not really sure myself," he mumbled. Truthfully, he was feeling a little foggy himself about all of the events that occurred.

Zell seemed to accept that answer and nodded. Smiling gently, he gave the ill sniper a little wink. "Why don't you try to sleep some more? You still look pretty grey in the face. The doc said she would send you back to your dorm once she was certain you're out of the woods. I'll go tell her and the rest of the gang that you woke up."

The martial artist stood and was about to walk out when Irvine spoke up. "I made you a promise, didn't I? I said I'd help you get better at talking to girls."

A light blush settled on Zell's cheeks. Grinning sheepishly, he turned his eyes to the floor. "You don't have to do that for me. You've got enough to deal with, what with recovering and all."

The sniper shook his head firmly. "No, I mean it. I said I'd help you and I always keep my promises," _It's one of the reasons I had to come back_, he thought. "If Doc Kadowaki sends me home today, then we'll meet in the quad tomorrow at lunch. Once I've made up my mind, Zelly-boy, there's no stopping me."

"Right, that's for sure," Zell chuckled, cerulean eyes glancing up to meet half lidded violet. "You're a stubborn guy, so I guess I don't have much of a choice. I'll see you then."

Nodding tiredly, Irvine settled back into the pillows and gave in to his exhaustion.

The next time Irvine woke up, Zell was gone. The plastic chair was now occupied by Squall Leonhart himself. The young commander's face was intense, scarred brow wrinkled as he thought about whatever went through his mind. Irvine was pretty sure it had to do with SeeD, Rinoa, or adding more belts to his usual outfit. Squall immediately registered that the sniper was conscious and turned that intense gaze to him, an accusing frown on his face.

"What the hell did you do, Kinneas?"

Or he could have been thinking about Irvine.

"Well hello to you too, Squall," the sniper rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm feeling much better now. Thanks for asking."

Squall didn't react. But, then again, Irvine hadn't expected him to. "You're alive and can return to your duties in a few days. Anything else that's not directly related to SeeD is your problem. Now what did you do?"

"Would now be a good time to mention that I have no idea what you're talking about? Cause I don't."

Squall's frown deepened. "You were injured in the attack. I saw the damage when you were flying through the air after those careless mistakes."

Irvine couldn't help but cringe a little in embarrassment.

"Then you were knocked into the tear. Exactly six minutes later, you reappeared without a scratch. The only sign of anything happening to you was a high fever. I also saw Shiva appear beside you briefly. Rinoa said she didn't notice it, but I know what I saw. What happened?"

Irvine was not surprised that Squall had seen Shiva. The ice goddess had said she would lock onto the young commander to send him back. Truthfully, the sniper was more surprised to hear his leader say so much at once. _Guess I just have that magic touch,_ he mentally smirked.

He wanted to tell Squall what had occurred. Years of rules and regulations drilled into him since his early years as a cadet demanded that he be honest with his leader. But something else, a fear deep within his gut, told him to keep his mouth shut. Who would ever believe that he had not only traveled to Shiva's domain, but slept with her as well? Squall might dismiss it as a hallucination from the fever, but the Board would probably take him seriously. They could lock him up and experiment on him until they found a way to go to that other world. Shiva and the other GFs could find themselves in serious danger. Or the Board might think he was completely psycho and ship him off to a crazy house somewhere. No, it was best to keep the encounter to himself, for now, until he was sure of what was going on.

"I got knocked into the tear and saw a huge gang of monsters waiting for me. I summoned Shiva and suddenly I wasn't there anymore. I was floating in this grey fog and I was healed. Then I summoned again and my body felt like it was burning up. Next thing I know, I'm here again and I feel like shit," Irvine mentally patted himself on the back. That was pretty much what happened anyway. He just omitted his little romp with Shiva in the middle.

Squall continued to frown at Irvine, his deep grey gaze felt like it was looking into the sniper's soul. For a moment, Irvine thought the commander would call his bluff. But, in the end, Squall sat back with a nod. That explanation had satisfied him, and he was not going to press the matter. In his head, Irvine breathed a sigh of relief. Unlike most people, Squall didn't like to pester anyone with questions. Give him a simple and logical answer and he was content. That was one of many reasons why Irvine liked the gunbladist so much.

A stack of forms was suddenly dropped in the sniper's lap as Squall stood to leave. "If you can walk, the doc says you can sign those and go back to your dorm. You're on medical leave until Tuesday to recover. Your mission report's due Wednesday morning."

With that said, Squall left.

"Right, thanks a bunch for stopping by Squall. I'm sure I'll be just fine. Thanks for all of your heartfelt sympathy," Irvine called, making a rude gesture to the commander's retreating back, before paging through the release forms.

Two hours later, Irvine was in his own clothes and heading out of the infirmary. The last of the forms were half-heartedly tossed onto Kadowaki's desk. The doctor curtly reminded him to rest up and drink plenty of liquids as he walked past, clearly annoyed that he was leaving before she thought he was ready. The sniper merely acknowledged her with a small nod and a weak smile. Truthfully, he wanted to stay and sleep more, but his aching back demanded the softer bed that awaited him in his own room. Heading to the dormitories from the infirmary was a long and arduous process thanks to the fever stealing most of his strength. He carefully shuffled along, keeping one hand against the wall to steady himself as he traveled through the central hub of B Garden, a far cry from his usual stride.

As he passed by the cafeteria (his stomach rolled at the smell of food), Irvine heard a dog bark accompanied by the sound of running footsteps. Before he could look up, a blue and black blur knocked into him and held on tight. Irvine stumbled backwards into the wall, the only thing that kept him from falling on his butt. Once the world stopped spinning, he looked down to see Rinoa with her arms around his waist. Angelo was at her heels, tail wagging in greeting for the sniper. The young sorceress' head was lowered, face obscured behind her dark hair, but Irvine could tell that she was upset from the slight tremor or her shoulders.

"Hey there darlin'. Careful, I'm still a little fragile," he groaned as he tried to loosen her grip. The close contact, plus his own lingering fever, was making him feel uncomfortably warm.

"Sorry," Rinoa let him go with a sheepish grin. "I'm just glad to see you're alright. I would never forgive myself if you didn't pull through."

Irvine relaxed his shoulders a bit as she drew away. The cool air of the hallway was a welcome relief on his heated face. "Why's that?" he cocked an eyebrow at her. "It wasn't your fault I got sick."

Rinoa shook her head. "But I left you to fight that monster on your own. If I had stayed with you, you wouldn't have needed to draw it away. You wouldn't have gotten hurt and thrown into the tear."

"I gave you an order and you followed it. That's what a SeeD is supposed to do. It was my own stupid fault that I got hurt, not yours. I'm the one that screwed up. And now that I'm better, you can relax. All of that worrying is going to put premature wrinkles on that pretty face of yours, and that would be a cryin' shame."

"Flatterer," she smiled gently. "No matter what the situation is, you always make some flirty remark, and I start smiling. For a while I was scared that you weren't going to be able to flirt ever again. One of us stayed with you at all times when we got back. We were so worried."

"So I heard. Thanks for the concern. It's nice to know that you guys might actually miss me if I left," Irvine winked as he tilted his hat to her. "And thanks for grabbing my hat on the way back. Squall would've left it behind."

She giggled. "That thing's like an extension of your body. If you knew it was gone, you probably would have just let yourself die."

"A cowboy has nothing to live for if his outfit isn't complete."

Rinoa rolled her eyes and glanced beyond his shoulder. "Looks like a couple of your fans want to welcome you back. I'll go take Angelo for a walk and leave you to bask in their attention. Feel better, you letch," she flashed him a smile before walking away.

Irvine was immediately squished between two female cadets. Both of them were pretty young, fifteen or so, with long hair in two shades of brown. One was a few inches taller than the other, but they both shared the same slender and curved body structure. They had caught his eye a few weeks ago while he was returning some books to the library and quickly found their way to his bed.

"Oh Irvy, you're awake," the taller one squealed as she threw an arm around his waist. One of her hands found its way beneath his shirt to touch his abs.

"We heard you were sick and wanted to help you feel better, but the doctor said we couldn't see you," the shorter one pressed her ample cleavage against his side and stuck a hand under his shirt to grope his chest. "Now that you're up, we can help you make a full recovery."

Irvine should have been enjoying this. He should have been getting aroused and suggesting that the three of them head back to his room to "play doctor". But instead, he felt overwhelmed. Their bodies were pressed so close to his, and he was already feeling unpleasantly warm. His head was pounding, and all he wanted was to lie down and sleep. But the wandering hands under his shirt had other ideas. One hand moved up to brush against a nipple while the other moved down to loosen his belt. Suddenly, a lash of fire ran down his chest, nearly knocking him off his feet. His head reeled as he instinctively shoved the girls away and backed into a large potted plant, grabbing the rim to keep himself upright. Irvine could feel the blood drain from his face, vision tunneling while white spots danced before his eyes. He knew he was going to pass out right there in the hallway if he didn't do something.

"Sorry ladies," he groaned through clenched teeth. "Not feeling too good right now."

Somehow, he was able to summon the strength needed to turn around and stumbled back to his room as fast as he could. The female cadets made no move to help him, too stunned to react. As he fled, the pain began to subside. By the time he reached his room, his temperature had cooled to a more tolerable level and the stinging sensation on his skin had dulled down to a minor throb. His head still pounded, but at least his vision had cleared enough to make out his name above the keypad. Leaning heavily against the metal door, Irvine punched in his code and almost fell on his face as it opened. Stumbling inside, Irvine entered a lock code and before slowly making his way to the bathroom.

Cold water was splashed against his face and the back of his neck. The icy liquid helped to cool his heated skin and refocus his mind. Sighing, Irvine looked up at his reflection. His face was looking pale and his eyes a bit glassy. _Maybe I should have stayed in the infirmary another night_, he thought. _But I'm not gonna risk the long walk back. I just hope a shower and some rest will help._

Groaning, he reached into the shower and turned the water on before stripping out of his clothes. He was just about to step into the warm spray when he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the corner of his eye. Turning back to the mirror, the sniper's violet eyes widened in shock.

Two bright red handprints were slowly fading from his chest and abs.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh Irvine, what have you gotten yourself into this time?

Coming up: Irvine's not feeling so hot, and Zell isn't helping…


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes: **No, I'm not dead. Sorry for the delay. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The resounding slap of a hand meeting flesh echoed through the quad. Irvine winced sympathetically as he watched Zell rub his cheek, a look of bewilderment on the fighter's face. That was the third slap he had received that afternoon since meeting with the sniper. Rolling his eyes, Irvine slouched back on the bench he was currently occupying, hands massaging his temples in frustration. Why could Zell not get his lines correct?

Everything had started off well enough. Zell had arrived in the quad promptly at noon, nervous and embarrassed, but eager to learn as Irvine gave him a few pointers on the ways of the woman. Zell had listened intently, determined to succeed. Feeling confident, Irvine gave the fighter a list of safe pick-ups to try out before sending him after a few passing ladies. From that moment on, Zell choked. He would freeze and then proceed to butcher all of his carefully rehearsed lines.

Ironically, the whole lesson was accurately reflective of Irvine's day so far.

He had woken up feeling great that morning. Visions of Shiva, naked and longing, had danced through his head all night. Her touch, her kisses, her very presence had set Irvine aflame with passion. He woke later to find himself back in his own bed, feeling oddly sated. It was with no shortage of embarrassment that he discovered he'd come in his sleep, something he had not done in years. Despite this, he felt much better than the previous day. After changing his sheets, he had stepped into the bathroom for a shower. As he waited for the water to heat, Irvine looked over his reflection again. The color was back in his cheeks, and his eyes seemed clearer than last night. He also noticed that the two handprints had faded during the night.

Taking advantage of his renewed energy, Irvine had gone for a walk before his meeting with Zell. The temperature inside Balamb Garden was mild that day, so Irvine had opted to wear only a t-shirt and ripped jeans. Everything had started off just fine. He spotted Quistis on the way to the cafeteria and, after answering her inquiries about his health, got caught up on the latest Garden news from when he was unconscious. But then, as Quistis turned to leave, she gave him a quick pat on his shoulder. He felt a brief flash of uncomfortable heat shot through the area, as though he had gotten too close to a fire. Moments later, after Quistis was out of site, the dull burn subsided. It did not make any sense, and Irvine was a bit shaken by it.

The sniper pushed the concern from his mind, dismissing it as an aftereffect of being sick. He continued on his way, waving to the cadets that greeted him, when a passerby brushed against his bare arm accidentally. The brief contact sent a shockwave through the sniper, causing him to back into a young woman. The skin showing through his ripped pants briefly contacted her bare legs and pain shot up his body. His knees shaking, Irvine stumbled against the central fountain. He grasped the railing desperately, eyes shut tight as he tried to steady his breathing. After a few moments, the pain subsided to a more tolerable level. Irvine briefly considered going back to his dorm, or perhaps visiting the infirmary, but quickly dismissed the idea. He was close to the quad now, and going anywhere else would mean staying in the crowded hallways. Besides, after going through so much trouble to keep his promise to Zell, there was no way he was going to back out.

Stupid conscience.

Slowly, cautiously, Irvine kept heading for the quad, keeping one hand on the railing at all times. Every bump or brush against another person brought fresh pain to his nerves and he had to constantly stop and ride it out until it faded. The rest of his journey was spent close to the walls, trying to avoid any contact with anyone. By the time he reached the open space of the quad, Irvine had pressed himself so flat against the wall that he looked as though he was trying to merge with it. He selected the most distant bench from the main flow of traffic and sat down to wait for Zell while the pain subsided.

And now, hours later, all of the pain had returned in the form of a huge migraine as he watched Zell be rejected again.

Head hung dejectedly, the fighter shuffled back to the bench as girl number three stormed off.

Irvine shook his head in disappointment. "What the hell was that?"

"What was what?" Zell grumbled as he flopped down on the opposite end of the bench. "I had no idea she had such a good arm. I wonder why she isn't in any of the advanced martial arts classes, cause we could use some raw strength like that, and there aren't that many girls in the program right now anyway."

"Focus Zell!" the sniper growled as his head continued to throb. "For all of the talking you do, why can't you get a simple sentence right? How the hell did 'I like your hair' suddenly become 'Your skirt looks too short to fit the dress code'?"

"Well it was. She was dressed like a complete slut, and I didn't like her hair to begin with. It was all big and poofy. Why should I lie about liking something when I think it looks awful?"

"Because girls like to be complemented. If you want to get under their skirts, you need to make them feel good about themselves, even if it's an obvious lie," Irvine groaned as he massaged his temples.

Zell frowned. "But I don't know her, so why would I want to get under her skirt? Personally, I want to get to know a girl before I jump into bed with her. And are you feeling ok, man? You look kinda flushed."

"I'm fine," an obvious lie, but Irvine was too grouchy at that point to care. "And I'm helping you practice talking to a girl so, when you meet one that's a potential girlfriend, you won't cock up and insult her like you have for the last three."

"Hey, I'm not about to lie to strangers just cause you tell me too, cowboy," blue eyes narrowed at the sniper. "My ma always told me to be honest to people, and that's what I've done for as long as I can remember."

Irvine instantly recalled a memory from the orphanage when Zell had lied about not eating half of Selphie's ice cream but was too frustrated to bring it up. Zell would not remember the incident anyway. Instead he just shook his head and stood. "Honesty is not gonna help you here, Zelly. None of these girls are gonna give you the time of day if you don't fudge the truth a little, and then you'll never get laid. You'll be a virgin the rest of your life, and yes, it's painfully obvious that you are."

"I don't want any of these girls!" Zell leapt to his feet, gesturing wildly around him. "I'm trying to get over my nervousness, I really am, but I just can't talk to these girls. They aren't my type."

"Your type?" Irvine almost laughed as his migraine grew worse, fueled by the frustration that was Zell Dincht. "Do you even have a type? Dear Hyne, Zell, you barely talk to any people outside of our gang, so how can you have a type? You are screwing up so badly that I'm convinced you don't even like girls! Should I be trying to hook you up with guys instead?"

Zell stopped, all color draining away from his face as he stared at the ranting sniper. His cheeks began to color as the shock turned to anger. "What!? What the hell, Kinneas! I strike out with a couple of random girls and you automatically assume that I'm into guys? How could you think that about me?"

"I don't see any other explanation," Irvine growled back. "You claim to like girls, but you aren't even trying. If you really wanted them, you'd at least be making an effort. Since you obviously aren't interested enough to make that effort, I can only assume that you're really into guys and hiding that interest behind a phony claim about liking girls. I'm here to teach you about girls. If you want an ass to fuck instead, then stop wasting my time!"

Irvine would have continued his tirade, but he saw the pained look that overtook the fighter's face. He saw moisture begin to gather in the sapphire eyes before Zell quickly turned away. All of the anger and frustration instantly vanished as Zell's shoulders began to tremble.

"Aw Hyne, Zell I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Irvine sighed, running a hand through his auburn hair.

The blonde peeked back at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Why would you say that?" he whispered roughly. "I like girls. Just because I can't control my mouth when they're around doesn't mean I dream about fucking guys. That's your department. And being a virgin is a lot better than being a sex-crazed, arrogant, lying, cowboy slut."

The anger flared up again as Irvine hissed back. "Hey, don't go insultin' me now. I'm trying to help you. I feel like shit right now, but I still came here because I promised to help you."

"Well you're doing a great job," Zell snapped as he headed for the exit. "Sorry you had to drag your ass out of bed and away from all of your adoring lovers to help out a loser like me."

Irvine continued to glare at the fighter's retreating back until the doors closed behind him. When he realized he was alone, everything melted away, leaving Irvine feeling guilty and completely drained. With a sigh, he slowly reclined back onto the bench and clutched his aching head in his hands.

"Kinneas, you really cocked that one up."

Irvine heaved a huge sigh as he locked the door behind him and flopped onto his bed. He was frustrated, exhausted, and his whole body ached after bumping into too many people in the hallway. Grumbling, he threw a pillow over his head to block out the thin ray of sunlight filtering through his drawn blinds. It was not fair. He had a few days off duty to recover and relax, and he was in a foul mood because of a certain clueless blonde.

"Damn Dincht," he muttered to himself. "I'm being all generous while I'm sick and he's being an ungrateful little brat."

"_You were a bit harsh with him though, my Irvine._"

The sniper immediately sat up and looked around. He could have sworn he had just heard Shiva, but there was no one else in the room.

Groaning, he laid down again. "Great, now I'm hearing voices. This is probably Zell's fault too. I'm getting worse cause I was helping him instead of resting."

"_Hardly. You are not so ill that you are delirious. Truth be told, you are almost completely recovered."_

Irvine's eyes snapped open again. "Shiva? Where are you?"

He heard her lovely little giggle. "_I am right here with you, as I promised I would be, dear one. If you had troubled yourself to check, you would have realized that we are still junctioned._"

He checked and realized that she was right. "Oh."

"_Do not worry about it. I apologize for startling you so, for I did not have an opportunity to contact you earlier. Now that we are alone, we may speak freely. Why do you feel so frustrated? You were so determined to come back and help him_."

"I was," Irvine grumbled. "Now I'm thinking it was a bad idea. The guy is completely hopeless. He's so hell bent on being all honest and innocent that he couldn't chat up a lady if his life depended on it. He'll never get laid at this rate, and that's gonna make me look like a lousy teacher."

"_You are being too hard on him, my Irvine. He has only just begun to learn. For most mortals, these things take time. Not everyone possesses your silver tongue._"

Irvine shivered as desire trickled through his senses. He could almost feel her hands stroking his chest again. "As I recall, you greatly enjoyed my tongue."

"_Indeed I did. And I still do. But you are getting off the subject. We are talking about your reluctant pupil,_"she purred. Irvine could have sworn he felt a hand ghost over the waistline of his pants, making it very difficult to keep his mind on her words. "_I am confused by his reluctance toward romance. He always seemed so confident and straight-forward._"

"With most things, he is. Put him in a battle or a strategy session and he won't stop flapping his gums. But when it comes to his personal life, he's really sensitive and unsure. You'd know that instantly if you ever junctioned to him. He was always like that, even when we were kids."

"_I do recall your memories of him as a child. You are correct. So you knew that helping him become more intimate with women would not be an easy task. Then why did you offer to help him?_"

"Don't know really," Irvine sighed with a frown. He could feel another hand tracing down his body, but could see nothing when he looked. Not that he was complaining about the pleasant sensation, but it was a little weird. "I just saw him looking miserable, with those big blue eyes all downcast, and I just had to do something. Maybe I just wanted to see him smile and be his normal self again."

Shiva made a little noise of agreement. "_He is much cuter when he is happy, is he not?_"

"Zell, cute?" the sniper's brow creased in thought. "I've never thought of him in that way before. The guy's not my type at all, too hyper and loud."

"_Oh I might like him,_" Shiva giggled. "_He radiates so much energy and passion. I can imagine that he would be quite a firecracker in bed_."

Irvine chuckled. "Hardly, Shiva. Even if he knew what he was supposed to do, Zell would be too intimidated by that perfect body of yours to perform."

Heat suddenly began to pool between the sniper's legs. "_But you can please me well, dear Irvine. You have already proved that. I would love to feel your body once again. Would you enjoy that?_"

"You know I would," Irvine moaned, feeling himself harden. "Are you doing that?"

"_I am. We do not have to be on the same plane of existence for me to pleasure you. Now close your eyes and let me take care of your body._"

He gasped as desire flowed through his veins, pooling into his groin. He could feel her hands pushing against his hips and her lips caressing the skin of his abdomen where his shirt had ridden up. Squinting one eye open, he tried to see if she was actually there, but saw only himself. One hand moved to cup between his legs and his eyes closed again with a sigh.

"_My Irvine, will you help me with your clothing? There is only so much I can do without true physical contact_."

Irvine nodded mutely and reached down to undo his pants, revealing his steadily growing erection. Shiva's ghostly hands grasped him and he moaned. One of his hands reached down to help her out, but felt her bat it away.

"_You do not want to do that, dear one,_" Shiva murmured in his mind, a slight hint of worry in her voice. "_Allow me to finish you off properly._"

And then he felt her mouth on him.

Irvine threw his head back, gasping for breath. He was surrounded by her warmth, driving him mad with stimulation. His hands clenched the blankets beneath him as he rode waves of pleasure. He came a few moments later into a willing mouth that he knew was not there. Panting hard, he cracked his eyes open. His release was splattered on his clothing.

"_I do so wish that I could be with you in flesh now,_" Shiva sighed wistfully. "_But that is impossible now. This is all that I can do for you. But soon enough, it will become a burden and not a gift. Enjoy these moments while you can, my Irvine, for the true test has begun._"

"What do you mean? What test?" Irvine asked the empty air, but received no reply.

"Shiva?" he mumbled as sleep tugged at his senses. He could feel her presence within his mind, but she was not answering him. She was there, but she remained silent. Silent and cold.

Shivering, Irvine threw the top blanket over his body. The warmth and pleasure he had received only a short while ago was gone, leaving him feeling cold and lonely. He tried to reach for her through their junction, but received no reply. Was something preventing his thoughts from reaching his GF, or was she simply ignoring him?

"Shiva, what are you talking about? Why am I being tested? Why won't you answer me? Did I do something wrong? Answer me, damnit!"

The ice goddess remained silent within his mind.

_Something isn't right here,_ the sniper thought as exhaustion began to overtake him. _Why won't she answer me? Has something bad happened between us? What is she hiding from me? _

Curling up, he stopped fighting the exhaustion. As he gave in to the pull of sleep, one last question passed through his mind.

_Shiva, what have you done to me?_

* * *

**Author's Notes: **In the words of my beta "Shiva really knows how to ruin the mood." Please review! Reviews motivate me to write faster, and I really want to know my readers' opinions.

Coming up: Irvine realizes the full extent of Shiva's test. How is he going to get himself out of this one?


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** So it's been over two years since my last update. I'm so sorry to all of the readers who have enjoyed this story. I've been working full time at a mind-numbing job, went back to school for my Master's Certification, underwent some important life changes, and was completely distracted by a couple of other fandoms. My creativity took a nose dive. Chapters 8 and 9 were written almost a year ago, but I couldn't motivate myself to smooth them out. A few weeks ago, inspiration suddenly struck out of nowhere and I found myself outlining new chapters like crazy. It feels so great to be writing again, and I'm really happy with how my style has evolved and improved. So I'm thrilled to finally present Chapter 8 of Trial By Ice. Enjoy!

**Chapter 8**

Irvine leaned against the bathroom sink, staring intently at his shirtless reflection in the mirror. Shiva's words from last night had unnerved him, and the bags under his eyes were a testament to his lack of sleep. His mind had been racing all night in an attempt to figure out how Shiva would test him. At first, his mind had thrown out random ideas, everything from plagues of locusts to an infected paper cut, until all of the guessing gave him a headache. He tried to ask Shiva again that morning, but the ice goddess was still giving him the cold shoulder.

_Ooh, bad pun. Focus Kinneas,_ he shook his head and continued to stare.

Around four thirty in the morning, Irvine realized that he should simply start at the beginning and look for clues. Everything had started when he wound up in Shiva's world. She had warned him about possible consequences to sleeping with her, but he could not remember her exact words. At that time, he had been quite distracted by her full, perky, bouncing-

_FOCUS!_

When they were together, he heard singing. He had thought the strange words were related to returning his memories and ignored them at the time. Now, though, he knew there had to be something more behind the GF's song. He had heard it again just before waking up in the infirmary. And it was after the infirmary that things started getting weird. He had been feeling sick ever since he woke up, yet Shiva claimed he was not sick at all.

"And then I ran into those girls," Irvine muttered as he ghosted a hand over the spots where the handprints had been. "They were bright red…like fresh burns."

Burns…he had felt like he was being burned when they touched him. Now that he thought about it, Rinoa's hug and Quistis' shoulder pat had made him feel hot, but did not actually hurt him. That had only happened when those girls had touched his bare skin.

"And in the hallway, I felt like I was on fire 'cause I kept bumping into people. I had a lot of skin exposed, and the burning pain was worse when I knocked into a girl. It's gotta be 'cause of their skirts."

For the first time in his life, Irvine wished the women's uniforms included pants.

"All right Shiva, I get it now," the sniper smirked at his reflection, knowing his GF was listening in. "I've got your little 'test' all figured out. I can't touch women. You used your hocus-pocus magic to keep them from getting too cozy with me. And I know why too."

Shiva stirred a bit.

"It's 'cause you're jealous!" Irvine declared triumphantly. "You knew you could only have me for a short time, and you knew I'd have lovers lined up when I got back. So you cast a spell on my body to prevent me from replacing you with a lover that's on the same physical plane as me."

He heard her sigh.

"And that explains the burns too," he grinned, knowing he had figured her out. "Your little spell turned me into an ice creature-thingy, which is why I was never cold in your world. So now when normal people come in contact with me, I can't stand their higher body temperature. Wow, Shiva, I've met some possessive girlfriends in my life, but you take the cake."

He reeled forward as something slapped him upside the head.

"_How could you have possibly come up with that asinine theory?_" Shiva yelled within his mind. "_I can not understand it, and I witnessed its creation first-hand! How could I have turned you into ice?_"

"I'm not a GF, so you tell me."

Even though he could not see the ice goddess, he knew she was rolling her eyes. "_You are hopeless, my Irvine. Gorgeous, but hopeless._"

"You're just annoyed 'cause I figured you out."

"_Hardly. I am sorry to disappoint you, my Irvine, but my powers did not turn you to ice. In fact, I did not plan to use my 'hocus-pocus magic', as you refer to it, on you initially. I was merely granting a favor to someone else. Although I daresay that you deserve it now. Trust me, dear one, this is all for your own good._"

Irvine continued to smirk. "You're trying to throw me off. It won't work, Shivy. I figured out your little scheme, and now I'm going to stop it."

"_How could you possibly do that? And do not dare call me that again_."

"Simple. If I'm going to break your ice curse, I need to raise my body temperature first. So, I'm gonna find a nice little lady to warm me up."

"_I am baffled by your logical prowess,_" her voice dripped with sarcasm. "_I believe we have already established that you can not have skin contact with women._"

"Or so you say. You made it so I have to break contact after a second. But if I hold on and ride the pain out, my own body temperature will raise and I'll be cured. In your face you frozen bitch!"

"_Suit yourself. I will be here when you fail_," Shiva answered and fell silent.

"I believe this victory is mine," Irvine grinned as he grabbed a shirt and headed for the door.

It was a simple enough matter to find a willing lady to dispel Shiva's magic. She was a pretty little blonde thing with a sweet smile and very talented hands, which he had discovered for himself in the elevator a few months ago. Irvine had been tempted to use a cheesy pick-up like "Hey baby, how about you melt my heart with that hot body" just to annoy Shiva, but instead opted to be a little more discrete. After all, he did not want to risk getting the ice goddess angry. The last thing he needed was to wake up sans his manhood. So he simply cornered her in the hallway, smiled, and politely asked if she wanted to make out. Her response was a giggle before leaping into his arms.

"I'll take that as a yes," the sniper murmured before slipping his hands under her skirt.

The pain erupted instantly. Fire seemed to surge into his palms as they rubbed against her flesh, while his neck burned beneath her hands. Kissing her face was like kissing hot coals. His body screamed for him to pull away, but the stubborn portion of his brain forced his arms to pull her closer and ride the pain out. Determined to break Shiva's spell, he leaned forward to devour her lips.

His eyes widened as his mouth encountered the vilest taste imaginable. Her lips felt swollen and slimy, as though they were an infected wound that was dripping with pus. Her tongue was serpent-like as it plunged into his mouth, leaving trails of burning venom in its wake. All-in-all, it was like drinking raw sewage.

But his stubborn brain refused to let her go. He had to do this. He had to hold on until the pain stopped. He had to prove to Shiva that he was right. But the pain had spread throughout his body and his stomach rolled with waves of nausea. There was no pleasure felt, and the only thing that was stiff at the moment was his tensed spine that threatened to snap at any moment.

_Dear Hyne, it's like she just threw up in my mouth!_

"_For pity's sake, Irvine, just let go!" _Shiva screamed.

And his body obeyed.

He broke off the kiss and shoved the girl away instantly. His heart pounded furiously while his knees began to give out. Leaning against the wall to keep his balance, Irvine fought to regain his breath and ignore the horrid taste that remained on his lips.

The blonde girl glared at him. "What the hell was that for?"

The sniper shivered as the fire dissipated and the cool air of the hallway brushed against his skin. "Sorry 'bout that darlin'," he croaked as he desperately tried to think of an excuse. "I forgot to do something important, and I just remembered. I hate to cut this short, but I've gotta run."

"Irvine Kinneas is denying a make-out session to do something else? You're losing your touch. What's the problem, cowboy? Having trouble getting it up?" she growled, eyes focused on the missing bulge in his pants.

"Shut up," Irvine growled back as he stormed past her.

Several minutes later, when Irvine had gained plenty of distance between the girl and himself, Shiva spoke. "_That comeback was well below your standards, my Irvine_."

"Don't even start with me right now, woman," he muttered under his breath.

"Do I even wanna know why you're talking to yourself?"

Irvine started at the sound of Zell's voice. He whirled around, scanning the seemingly empty hallway for the martial artist, but failed to catch a glimpse of familiar blonde hair.

"Back here, cowboy."

Violet eyes widened and Irvine desperately tried not to snicker as he took in the sight before him. The indomitable Zell Dincht, the mighty fighter who helped defeat Ultimacia, was crouched behind a potted plant. Two bright cerulean eyes peeked out through the dense foliage.

"Practicing your camouflage techniques Zelly?" the sniper snorted, one hand raised to stifle his chuckles.

Zell snorted, rolling his eyes. "Ha ha. You're a real barrel of laughs today, Kinneas," he grumbled as he poked his head out and scanned the hallway up and down. With a nod of satisfaction, he stepped out from his hiding place and vainly tried to brush traces of potting soil from his rumpled uniform. "I just needed a place where I could do some thinking in private."

Irvine patted some loose dirt from the back of the fighter's jacket. "Students giving you trouble?"

"One particular student is, though thankfully he's not one of mine. Damn Seifer's on the prowl. He saw me tutoring my group today and started spouting all of this stuff about me. He called my group 'the chicken brigade' and said the only thing they could learn from me is 'how to be Squall's little lap dog'."

"Seifer's a prick and you shouldn't let him get to you. End of story."

Zell sighed. "That's easy for you to say. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be degraded in front of people who are supposed to respect you. He's been following me around all day, even after I dismissed my group, and making fun of me whenever other people are around, and it's really pissing me off! I'm even more pissed off now than I was this morning, and I was really pissed off then 'cause of the stuff you said. Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't even know why I'm talking to you right now 'cause you're just as much of a bastard as Seifer!"

Irvine sighed. He knew that he would have to deal with yesterday's fiasco sooner or later. Judging from Zell's disheveled appearance, sooner would definitely be preferable.

"Yeah, I am," the sniper sighed as he closed his eyes, completely missing the surprised look on Zell's face. "I said some stupid things that I regretted as soon as they were said. I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry for making fun of you being a virgin. I lost my virginity years ago, and I'm not used to dealing with people who don't have any experience. I didn't know how to handle you, and I got frustrated. Add on the massive headache I was fighting and you've got a royal disaster waitin' to happen."

Zell cocked one blonde eyebrow. "If you're not used to dealing with virgins, how'd you manage to get along with everyone after joining our team?"

"If you recall, Zelly-boy, you were the only one I didn't get along with at first."

Zell stared at the sniper, eyes wide and mouth agape. Irvine couldn't help but smirk at the sight.

"You can't be serious."

Irvine continued to smirk.

"You're serious!"

The smirk remained.

"So I was the only one who…"

The smirk stayed in place as Irvine nodded.

"I had no idea! When did everyone lose theirs?"

Irvine chuckled. "It was different for everyone. And before you ask, I do know the details for all of them. You'd be amazed at how open our friends can become when you get them drunk enough. I'm amazed at how surprised you are, though. You know first-hand that Selphie's been around the block."

Zell blushed as one hand rose to rub the back of his neck sheepishly. "Selphie yeah…but Quistis?"

"Night of her SeeD graduation."

"Rinoa?"

"She dated Seifer, remember?"

"And Squall? There's no way Squall could have ever gotten laid before he met Rinoa, what with that 'touch me and you die' attitude of his."

The sniper chuckled again. "He did. But I won't say any more than that. He vowed to gut me and mount my head on a pike if I ever let the details slip."

"Holy…" Zell sighed as he slid down the wall until he was sitting. Both hands ran through his hair, ruffling his bangs out of their usual crest as he did so. "Well this just sucks! Once again, Zell Dincht is the last person to know anything. I can't believe I'm the only one who hasn't slept with someone."

"Hey, don't let it bother you," Irvine squatted down next to the surprised fighter. "You wanna wait until you find someone really special, right? There's nothing wrong with that. It's kinda weird, if you ask me, but it's still ok."

"Really?"

Zell turned to Irvine with a shy smile on his face. His eyes radiated so much hope and innocence that the sniper could not help smiling back. In the world of a SeeD mercenary, it was rare to see such honest, open emotions on anyone's face. For a moment, Irvine wondered why the fighter was still alone. A look like that could melt any girl's heart. Then Irvine remembered that Zell was alone because he could never talk to a girl long enough for them to see that look. Seeing that look on the martial artist's face was enough to inspire Irvine once again as he held out a hand.

"Tell you what, Zelly. Soon as you've got a break from brainwashing the SeeDs of tomorrow, we'll try again. It may take a lot of trial and error, cause I know we're gonna screw up along the way, but we'll figure out a way to boost your confidence with the ladies. I vow here and now, on pain of losing my manhood, I'm gonna help get you a girl."

Zell glanced at the proffered hand skeptically. "So if you fail miserably at this, I get to chop Irvine Jr. off?"

"With any tool of your choosing," Irvine nodded while keeping his face resolute and calm. Inside, however, he was figuring out how to hide all of the sharp objects in Garden. While he normally had no problems with women, his little Shiva predicament was forcing him to consider a few back-up plans.

Zell continued to stare for a few moments, as if to double-check the sniper's sincerity. When he finally saw that Irvine was completely serious, the blonde's face broke out into a grin. Chuckling, he nodded. "All right, man. You're on. Let's do it."

"Find a room before you 'do it' Dincht. I for one don't want to see your chicken butt getting fucked right here in the hallway," a disgusted voice called out.

Both teenagers jumped as their heads whipped around to face the disturbance. Zell cringed and Irvine scowled as they saw none other than Seifer Almasy swaggering toward them. The stocky blonde had a mocking sneer on his scarred face as he took in the site of Zell and Irvine standing so close.

"So what's up with you boys? What sordid little deal have you two made?"

"That's none of your damn business, Almasy," Irvine shot back coolly. Beside him, Zell was gradually backing up as Seifer walked closer. Irvine caught the subtle motion and stepped forward, putting himself directly in front of the shorter teen as he did so. Seifer noticed the protective nature of the sniper's movement and laughed openly.

"I don't believe this. The cowboy's protecting the chicken wuss!" he snickered. "Hell, Kinneas, I was just joking about the two of you doing it. I didn't think you were actually screwing him. And here I thought you had higher standards than that."

Irvine rolled his eyes. "If you're trying to insult my sexuality, Seifer, then you're doing a lousy job. I ain't ashamed of myself or any of my relationships."

_Well…maybe a little ashamed about one relationship,_ the sniper mentally grimaced. Shiva, thankfully, chose not to comment.

The gunbladist snorted in response. "You've poked so many people around here, cowboy, it isn't even funny anymore. I was referring to the chicken wuss cowering behind you like a scared puppy. Garden must have sunk pretty low if they let a wimpy little boyscout like that teach cadets. Tell me Dincht, did Squall let you have the job because you gave him your ass, or did you just suck him off?"

Hurt and anger flashed over Zell's face as his shoulders shook. Irvine could not tell if it was from rage or fear. The martial artist tried to make eye contact with his childhood tormentor as he spoke, but didn't quite manage. "I didn't do either, Seifer. I passed the preliminary instructor exam on my own. And stop saying that I like guys, 'cause I don't."

Seifer opened his mouth for a degrading retort, but Irvine quickly interrupted him. "Drop it, Almasy. If he says he doesn't sleep with guys, then he doesn't. Your immature little taunts are really getting annoying."

The gunbladist merely chuckled, shooting Zell a mocking grin before turning back to the sniper. "What's with you, cowboy? You've never stuck up for the chickie before. As I recall, you once said that you didn't like cry babies. And we both know that Dincht was always the biggest baby of all."

Irvine's eyes widened in surprise. He had assumed Seifer would not remember that particular memory, courtesy of the GFs taking up residence in his brain matter. Then again, Seifer had been away from Balamb Garden, and any available GFs, for a while. It made Irvine wonder what other memories Seifer still retained. Within his head, Shiva stirred. An image appeared before his mind's eye, a scene from many years ago when everyone was at the orphanage. Irvine realized what the ice goddess was trying to tell him and mentally smirked.

He calmly crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, a perfect picture of coolness as he regarded the blonde gunbladist with an amused grin. "Now I may have called Zelly a cry baby back then, but at least he could hold it in at night."

The grin on Seifer's face wavered a bit as he took a step back, eye's narrowing in suspicion. "The hell you talking about Kinneas?"

"Oh nothing much," Irvine waved a hand dismissingly. "Just that I can remember a number of occasions where you woke up in the middle of the night and Matron had to change your sheets. Hyne, I can still remember that nasty smell."

Seifer's face went pale.

Behind the sniper, Zell perked up, a manic grin on his face. "No way! You're telling me that Seifer would wet the bed?"

"No! That's not true at all! Quit spouting garbage, cowboy," Seifer's face went from white to bright crimson.

"Exactly what I'm saying. Poor kid was all embarrassed about it. He would sleep in the bathroom for the rest of the night 'cause he didn't want it to happen again. But a few days later, it would. You've got to give Matron credit for being so patient with him."

Seifer's face had now gone from red to purple as his face was torn between rage and embarrassment. Zell, upon seeing the bully's reaction burst out laughing.

"That is too great! Oh man, I can't wait to tell Selphie about that. She'll want to put it up on her website for everyone to see."

"You wouldn't dare!" Seifer growled as he slowly backed up. "And you can't 'cause it's not true. Kinneas is just being a smartass."

Irvine simply regarded the scene with a bemused smirk. "How can you be sure of that, Seifer? We all know that my memories of the past are a lot better than anyone else's. And judging from your reaction, I'd say there just might be a few memories of that in your head too."

"No there isn't, 'cause it never happened!" Seifer snarled as he turned to head down the hallway. "So don't you two dare breathe a word about it."

By this point, Zell was doubled over with laughter. Irvine chuckled too as he felt something stir within him. It was a feeling of power and control that swelled his ego and made his body shiver in excitement, like when he was about to conquer a new lover. More precisely, it was what he felt when he would successfully dominate another man in bed. Closing his eyes, Irvine could feel his body react to the feeling of power pooling in his belly.

His eyes immediately snapped open when he was hit with a brilliant idea. Shiva had said that he could not have skin contact with a woman, but she never said anything about touching men. Smirking triumphantly, he quickly made a list of all the male lovers that he could find within the next two minutes.

Beside him, Zell punched a fist in the air triumphantly. "Oh hell yeah! That was awesome, Irvine. Did you see his face? You're a genius, man!" Zell shouted before throwing his arms around Irvine.

All of Irvine's plans for a man orgy were promptly derailed when Zell's cheek made contact with his own and pain exploded on the side of his face.

_Oh for fuck's sake, Shiva! I can't touch guys either!?_

He could hear her chuckle. "_Now now, my Irvine. Did you really think I would let you solve this so easily?_"

In a flash, Irvine shoved Zell away and backed up several feet. Zell's eyes widened in surprise at the action. A moment later, the martial artist seemed to come to a realization and a deep blush spread across his face.

"Aw man, sorry Irvine. Guess I got a little carried away there. I was just so excited that I couldn't help myself, and I forgot that you're not really the hugging type. No harm?"

"No Zell," Irvine replied shakily as the fire on his cheek died down. "No harm. Just...give me some warning next time or something. Look, I've gotta get out of here and...do something...SeeD related. But I'll talk to you later."

And with that, Irvine quickly retreated and left a very confused Zell Dincht standing alone in the hallway.

Irvine sprinted back to his quarters in record time and quickly locked the door behind him. Leaning against the door, he groaned deeply. _This is just perfect. I'm horny as hell right now and, thanks to Zell, just found out that I can't even get a guy to release it. Can this possibly get any worse?_

Grumbling to himself, the sniper quickly shed his clothes and headed for the bathroom. A hot shower and a quick jerk-off seemed to be his only options now. He let the comfortable spray wash over his skin and soak his hair before reaching for the hard problem between his legs.

He had established a firm grip when the nausea hit.

Dropping to his knees, Irvine leaned against the tiled wall and moaned as his stomach churned dangerously. His body shivered violently, despite the hot water, and he shut his eyes tightly when spots began to dance in front of them. One hand held the door handle in a death grip while he bit into the knuckles of the other, desperately willing the food in his stomach to stay down. He stayed that way for several minutes before the nausea finally passed.

"The hell was that?" he gasped.

"_That would be your body rejecting your own touch,_" Shiva replied promptly. "_I told you that there were consequences to joining with a being such as me. You have tasted perfection, and now your body can no longer handle anything less. Nothing will bring you relief now; not a woman, not a man, and not your own hands. The only one who may touch your body is me_._ And I shall have your body whenever I choose._"

His member was promptly grabbed by a hand that he knew was not there. Irvine bit back a cry as the stroking began.

"No," he gasped. "No you can't. You can't do this to me!"

But Shiva did not relent her ministrations, moving her invisible hands faster and rougher over the sensitive organ. Irvine found that he could no longer hold back a traitorous moan of pleasure as he could feel his body nearing its peak.

"Stop it!" he cried out. "Stop! Oh Hyne, Shiva, please stop!"

But despite his protests, his hips bucked forward on their own to seek more friction. He could feel her moving faster, harder, until he went over the edge. A rough scream was torn from his throat as he came hard.

And then there was nothing. Shiva retreated to the back of his mind, leaving him alone.

Tears trickled down his cheeks as the water turned cold.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

She was with him again. Irvine could feel her fingers stroking his flanks. Her breath was against his naked skin, a flash of cold erupting into intense heat. Her lips, her skin, everything rubbed against him. Irvine wanted to pull away, wanted to tell her to stop, but his body betrayed him. He knew this was wrong, knew that it would only lead to more pain, but all he could do was lay back and writhe under Shiva's ministrations. His body screamed for release, stimulated by ice and fire.

Irvine's eyes snapped open. He panted for breath, desperately trying to subdue his pounding heart and the heat pulsing through his body. This was the fourth time this week that he had woken up flushed and hard after being stimulated by Shiva.

"_You woke too soon. I would have brought you release if you had not pulled away._"

"Shut up," Irvine grumbled as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "I don't need your help."

"_Oh but you do,_" Shiva giggled. "_You cannot release yourself anymore. Through our link, I am the only one who can satiate your body._"

"Enough!" he shouted. "Why are you torturing me like this?"

"_You are torturing yourself. Your own lust has brought you to this. I am merely trying to ease the pain._"

Irvine did not respond. She was right, after all. His unstoppable hormones had lead to this, and now he was paying the price. But knowing this was not doing anything about the lovely hard-on he was sporting. He considered taking a cold shower, but quickly dismissed that idea. Cold water would only remind him of the GF tangoing with his pleasure receptors. Going to one of his friends was out of the question as well. He still had not told anyone about Shiva since returning from her world a week ago. If he suddenly went up to Squall and said "Shiva put a curse on me after I fucked her last week," he would inevitably be locked away for reckless behavior, withholding mission information, and general insanity. As for the others, he seriously doubted that anyone would believe him. And so he was stuck dealing with this problem on his own. However, he was seriously starting to reconsider as the situation steadily grew worse.

Shiva, meanwhile, had decided it would be fun to get him off at random intervals each day. She seemed to delight in stimulating him while he was walking through the hallways and watching him bolt back to his room before anyone could see the resulting hard-on. The embarrassment had forced Irvine to isolate himself from most of Garden. The last few days had found him hiding out in his room, only coming out to eat and visit the shooting range long enough that no one suspected he was hiding out in his room. He had requested a training leave to give himself more time, and avoid inevitable mission disaster, but knew it would not last. Sooner or later, Squall would force him to take a mission. Time was running out and Irvine was no closer to finding a solution.

Irvine could not remember feeling so alone before. He was always surrounded by people and rarely spent a free night by himself. Now he was cut off from everyone. He would leave his room at odd times to avoid running into his friends and refused to talk to anyone in the halls. His phone and computer remained off because he knew there would be too many questioning messages waiting for him. Even his radio stayed silent now that he knew Shiva was aware of his musical preferences. For a person who loved interaction, the silence of his room was pure torture. He considered reading a non-textbook for the first time in years, but a quick glance at the clock showed that the Training Center was the only facility open.

"Oh well, that'll do," Irvine shrugged as he stood up and carefully tucked himself into a pair of jeans. "Ok, Shiva, if you want to be active, you're gonna work. A couple rounds with the T-Rexaurs and we'll see how frisky you're feeling."

***

One hour later, Irvine was finally able to get rid of his hard-on. Something about watching a Grat's intestines spill out of a bullet hole was a real turn-off. At least Shiva was tired out. He had summoned her far more than necessary just to keep her quiet. It got to the point where Irvine had lost count of the number of monsters she had frozen.

He had paused for a moment to reload when a Grat suddenly tore through the foliage. The sniper was about to take aim, but the tentacled monster ran by him, completely ignoring his presence. Irvine did not have long to wonder about the strange behavior before a red, blue, and blonde streak charged through the underbrush after the fleeing monster. Said streak caught a glance of Irvine and skidded to a halt, the Grat forgotten.

"Irvine?" Zell questioned as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

"Was there any doubt?" Irvine tried to sound smooth, but the image was ruined by a huge yawn.

Zell shrugged. "Didn't recognize you right away, no cowboy getup and all."

Irvine couldn't blame him. He had been too tired to lace up his chaps or open the closet for his duster. And his hat would have looked really stupid with just jeans and a faded grey t-shirt.

"What are you doing here anyway?" the sniper questioned.

"Selphie brought a friend over tonight and the decibel level was too high for me to sleep though," Zell rolled his eyes. "What about you? I haven't seen you in a while. Shouldn't you be cuddled in bed with an impressionable young cadet at two in the morning?"

"Couldn't sleep," Irvine sighed. Upon seeing Zell's disbelieving expression, he elaborated. "There's something that's been on my mind for a while, and now I can't sleep...with anyone. I can't sleep with anyone. Not anymore."

Cold seeped into Irvine's limbs as Shiva stirred once again, causing him to tremble. The stress of his isolation came back full force and he could hear his voice begin to waver. "I can't. I want to but I can't."

"Hyne, Irvine, you're shaking! You feeling alright?"

Irvine wanted to say he was fine, to shrug and smile and wave the question off. It would be simple enough to just say that he was tired and not thinking straight. But something about the look in Zell's eyes stopped him. Those bright blue orbs were so honest and full of genuine concern that he could not bring himself to lie.

"No," he whispered as the loneliness began to consume him. "No, I'm not alright."

Zell gaped, clearly floored by the sniper's answer. Obviously, he had expected Irvine to wave the question off as well. For a moment, he simply stared at Irvine and the pain that was plainly evident on his face. The martial artist was clearly confused, not sure how to react. After a while, he finally spoke.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

It was a lame question, one that Irvine would never agree to under normal circumstances. But after a week of silence with the only listening ear coming from a frisky ice goddess in his head, Irvine desperately needed to unload on somebody. He knew that Zell would not believe him, but a small part of him clung to the tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, he would. Silently, he nodded and followed Zell out of the Training Center.

They had initially headed for Zell's room, seeing as how it was closer to the Training Center, but immediately turned around when they realized Selphie was still awake and entertaining her guest. An unspoken agreement passed between them, and they headed for Irvine's room instead. The blonde immediately sprawled himself across the bed.

"You got one of the big ones," Zell muttered, his tattooed face buried in the pillows. "No fair."

"I was just lucky when they assigned the room to me. But you got one with more floor space," Irvine sighed as he sat down at the foot of the bed. He was positive that Zell had noticed the distance he was putting between them.

The martial artist rolled onto his back, eyeing Irvine carefully before sitting up. "So what's going on? You said you couldn't sleep with anyone 'cause something's been bugging you. I never thought you, of all people, would be having trouble with your love life. Anything I can do to help? 'Cause I want to. Not that I'm any good with romance, since you've seen that first hand."

"Zell, put a cork in it please," Irvine shook his head, the faintest hint of a smile curling his lips. Trust Zell to make him feel better just by prattling on.

A blush settled on the blonde's cheeks. "Sorry man. So what's wrong? You can tell me."

Zell's face was so honest, his eyes practically begging for the sniper's trust. And Irvine had been hiding his secrets for so long that the frustration had built to the point where he would explode if he did not let it out.

"OK. I know it's going to sound far-fetched, but it's true."

Zell crossed his legs and leaned against the headboard, his face going serious. Irvine recognized it as the same expression he wore during a mission briefing. With a nod of his head, Zell urged the sniper to start.

So he told Zell everything. He recalled the entire story of being thrown through the tear and summoning Shiva to fight the oncoming monsters, the cold void, and the warmth of Shiva as she rescued him. He talked about waking up in her domain and learning of his lost memories. Then he told Zell about her proposal, the amazing experiences that followed, and regaining his memories. Finally, he explained how he was sent back and the terrible pain he felt when the curse overtook his body.

Irvine could see that Zell wanted to interrupt him but held it in. While the fighter's face reflected his reactions of horror, shock, concern, embarrassment, and eye rolling at the details of Shiva's techniques, he kept his mouth shut the entire time. He was giving Irvine all the time he wanted, and the sniper could not have been more grateful.

"So that's it. Shiva put a curse on me that prevents me from having contact with anyone. If I touch someone, or they touch me, it hurts like hell. And it's not only women, but men too. I can't even touch myself without getting sick. Shiva's the only one who can be close to me. And even that is pretty messed up, seeing as how she can touch me without actually being there."

Zell simply stared at Irvine for a minute, a neutral look on his face before blurting out. "You're unbelievable! Why didn't you tell anybody about this when you got back? Yeah, we would have made fun of you, but we could have helped before it got out of hand."

"I didn't think anyone would believe me," the sniper mumbled as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, relieved to get it off his chest. "I'm honestly shocked that you let me finish my story at all. And I didn't know about the curse at first. I thought it was just a side effect from being sick. It wasn't until later that I realized something was wrong and got Shiva to confess. But even if I did tell you guys, there's nothing you could have done. I don't know how to lift the curse and Shiva's keeping her mouth shut about it."

A lump began to form in Irvine's throat as he continued. "I think she enjoys seeing me suffer like this. She keeps popping up inside my mind and stimulating it, turning me on and then getting me off. Sometimes it's when I'm asleep, and other times I could be walking down the hall or practicing at the shooting range. I have no way of knowing when she'll start. But when she does, I can't do anything about it. I can't move a muscle unless she wants me too. She just takes over my body and forces me to come, no matter what I say."

Zell nodded solemnly as he took in the information. "When she takes over your body, does she hurt you?"

"No," Irvine sighed. "Not really. It feels good. Too good. I can't fight it, can't stop it, and that's what scares me. She's in total control, and it's all my fault because I slept with her in the first place. She was completely right about me, you know. I let my lust cloud my judgment and now I'm paying the price."

The blonde looked away from him for a moment, brow wrinkled in thought, before releasing a small chuckle. "It's funny. SeeDs are trained to be the best of the best. We're experts in combat, wield powers that no one else can, and are tactical geniuses. We can withstand harsh interrogation without flinching and keep fighting when most of our bones are broken. Hyne, we can even take on an insanely powerful sorceress from the future and survive. And yet, when we're faced with some gorgeous person, we're slaves to our lust. We may be mercenaries, but we're still just teenage bags of hormones."

"You're right," the sniper nodded solemnly, refusing to meet those trusting blue eyes. "Despite all we're been trained to do, we're still horny teenagers. But I still screwed up. Shiva warned me about possible consequences, but I was too busy staring at her chest to take her seriously. And now I'm royally screwed."

"Hey, relax buddy. It'll all turn out ok in the end," Zell reached out to pat the sniper's shoulder, but Irvine caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and flinched.

"No!" he yelped, scooting to the very edge of the bed. "You can't touch me. No one can touch me anymore, and I can't touch anyone either. Direct skin contact actually burns me. It leaves blisters and hurts like hell. And even contact through clothing is uncomfortable. The pain eventually fades, but it just fares up again when I touch someone else. Nothing you, or anyone else, can say or do will make it better. I'm stuck like this. What if I have to stay like this for the rest of my life? I'll never be able to have sex or train with others. I can't hug someone or hold their hand. Hellfire, I can't even _shake _someone's hand."

Irvine's voice caught in his throat as he began to tremble again. Zell watched sorrowfully as the sniper's violet eyes began to shimmer with tears.

"I can't spend my life with a lover. I won't be able to live in a crowded place. I can't even go on any group missions because we're always shoved together in a transport," A sob escaped his throat as the tears began to fall. "What have I done? Oh dear Hyne, what have I done?"

He was sobbing wholeheartedly by that point. All of his masculine pride and dignity tossed aside as Irvine wept, knees pulled to his chest. He continued to cry for several minutes before he heard the rustle of fabric and felt something fall across his shoulders. Glancing up, he saw that Zell had pulled up the bed's comforter and draped it around him. The fighter reached out and tenderly wrapped his arms around Irvine's covered body. Those arms gently pulled the sniper closer as the blonde lowered his own head to rest against one covered shoulder.

"Is this hurting you?" Zell whispered with obvious worry.

Irvine thought for a moment and shook his head. "It's a little too warm, but it's OK," he whispered back.

The feel of Zell's powerful arms through the thick fabric sent a wave of heat through his body, much like a developing sunburn, but the temperature was bearable enough. Sighing, Irvine allowed himself to lean against Zell's chest. The uncomfortable heat was worth it to feel some sort of contact with another human.

Closing his eyes, Irvine savored the blonde's presence. "Thanks Zelly," he murmured.

"I'm here for you," Zell mumbled back. "You don't have to face this alone. I'll help you, and we'll figure out a way to fix this. Trust me."

"I trust you," Irvine yawned as sleep finally came to him.

For the first time since this whole ordeal began, Shiva stayed out of his dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Irvine actually felt good. For the first time in a week, he had finally gotten a full night's sleep. His body felt rested and ready to move as he gradually woke up. Shiva had not appeared once in his dreams, and even now he could barely feel her in the back of his mind. More important, he felt lighter. His tearful confession to Zell last night had eased the stress on his mind and body. As he stretched, Irvine noticed that Zell had stayed and fallen asleep as well. His shorter friend was pressed up against the wall, leaving a decent gap between them. The sniper had never felt more grateful to another person in his entire life.

Who would have guessed that Zell would wind up comforting him one day? He always thought that Zell was the kind of person who spoke without thinking and let his fists do the talking. The blonde had never been able to stay still, even as a child. But last night the normally hyperactive martial artist had stayed quiet during his story and held him through the emotional storm that followed. Irvine had no idea that those powerful arms were capable of such gentleness.

"You're gonna make some girl really happy if you could just relax," Irvine chuckled fondly as he carefully disentangled himself from the blankets and headed for the shower.

The warm spray of water felt heavenly as it wiped away the remnants of sweat, tears, and Grat fluids from the previous night. Irvine couldn't help but smile and hum a little as he scrubbed himself. Things finally seemed to be looking up. Zell knew the truth and had his back, he had slept through the night, the sun was shining outside, and Shiva had not made an appearance.

"_Good morning, my Irvine."_

"Fuck."

"_If that is what you really want, I would be happy to arrange it."_

"No thanks Shiva. I'm good right now," Irvine grumbled as he rinsed off.

"_You certainly are good this morning. Your body has been far too tense lately," _Shiva purred within his mind, making Irvine's body tremble. _"I think that I could make you feel even better right now."_

Irvine felt her caress before he could protest. Unwelcome desire flooded his body as he felt those invisible hands between his legs. He gasped at the sensation, bracing himself against the tiled wall as his knees began to shake. Her ministration continued as Irvine gradually slid down until he was crouched on the floor of the bathtub. He bit into a knuckle as a moan built up in his throat. He had to be careful and not make a sound. Zell was sleeping in the next room and would definitely barge in if he heard anything. He could not let his friend see him like this.

But Shiva's desire only grew at the thought of being caught and she amplified the sensation. Small whimpers escaped his mouth, despite his efforts to stop them, and tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. Irvine had never felt more helpless. _No. This is wrong. I can't let him hear it. I can't let Zell come in here. He can't see this. I can't let him see this._

"_There is no need to stay silent, my Irvine. Let him hear. Let him come in and see you naked and writhing."_

As if on cue, he heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Irvine? You alright in there?" Zell called from the other side.

The sniper's blood went cold. He could not let Zell come in. Could not let him know what Shiva was doing. It was bad enough that he had dragged his friend into this mess. He could not imagine letting Zell see exactly what Shiva was doing to his body. His friend's mind, while hardened by battle, was still far too innocent to see the sniper naked, hard, and writhing.

"It's ok. I'm fine," he answered back through gritted teeth, hissing as he felt himself coming closer to the edge.

"You don't sound fine," Zell answered back.

"_Indeed you do not. You sound as though you wish to come,"_ Shiva's voice sounded deeper and more commanding as she increased her ministrations, and Irvine could feel the ageless power behind her words. _ "Go ahead and tell him. He will not be the first man to see you in the throes of passion. Let him come and see you as I do."_

"No!" he whimpered. "Not Zell. He can't. He can't see this."

"What is she doing to you, Irvine?"

The pleasure in his mind and body was too much. Irvine could not stifle his pained groan as he tumbled over the edge. Embarrassed and ashamed, he curled into a fetal position and leaned against the wall as the warm water went cold.

"_You brought this upon yourself, my Irvine,"_ Shiva chided more seriously than usual. _"You know that you cannot fight me. And you have never been embarrassed about being caught by another man before. As I recall, the results have always been pleasurable."_

"Shut up," Irvine whimpered weakly as the cold water made his teeth begin to chatter. "Just shut up and leave me alone."

"Irvine! Tell me what's going on now before I break the door down."

The sniper immediately began to panic. "No," he whimpered. "Don't come in here. Please don't come in."

"Like hell!" Zell growled before the bathroom door was kicked open.

Irvine caught the shock and concern in his eyes and quickly turned his head away. He could only imagine what was going through Zell's mind as he took in the sight before him; Irvine Kinneas, the calm and suave cowboy, curled up and shivering in the bathtub. The water had begun to wash away the signs of his release as silent tears ran down his face. He expected the blonde to say something or simply walk away. He had not, however, expected Zell to move forward and silently turn off the showerhead before throwing a towel around his body.

Zell sat back on his heels next to the tub. "Did she do this?" he asked quietly.

Irvine could only nod as he held back a sob.

Zell watched him silently. Irvine could not force himself to meet the blonde's gaze, too embarrassed at what had just happened. After a few moments, Zell stood and headed back into the bedroom. As he reached the doorway, he paused and threw a concerned glance over his shoulder.

"When you're ready, get dressed and we'll talk."

***

It had taken a while for Irvine to calm down after Zell left the bathroom. He had stayed in the same spot, pulling the towel tighter around his body to warm himself up. Once the tears dried up and the cold water was rubbed away, he finally pulled himself out of the tub and reached for the clothing he had brought along. He took his time drying his hair. The stroke of the brush against his long mane was soothing and helped him refocus his thoughts. Thankfully, Shiva had remained quiet.

As Irvine stepped through the doorway, he caught site of Zell sitting on his desk chair across from the bed. The martial artist was bent over, elbows balanced on his knees and chin propped against his hands. A look of total concentration was on Zell's face, a far cry from his usual manic grin. The complete seriousness emanating from his friend made Irvine a little nervous and he almost wished he had stayed in the bathroom. Still, Zell had said that they were going to talk and Irvine knew there was no getting out of it.

"Feeling better?" Zell asked flatly, not looking up from his musings.

"A little, I guess," the sharpshooter sighed as he took a seat on the bed.

Zell glanced up. "I've been thinking..."

Irvine raised an eyebrow in question as Zell looked up fully, the serious expression replaced with one of confusion.

"Can't you just, you know, unjunction her?"

A snort left Irvine's mouth as he flopped back on the covers. "You think I haven't tried? I've been trying to get her out of my head since this whole thing started getting out of hand. But I can't. I don't know if it's 'cause of our new bond or something, but I can't seem to unjunction her."

The martial artist frowned thoughtfully for a moment before responding. "But what about someone else? Maybe I could pull her out and junction her to me. We traded GFs all the time when we first started and it didn't cause any problems."

"No way!" Irvine snapped immediately, sitting up to face the blonde. "I don't want to be responsible for screwing up your memories more than they already have been."

_Although that's not the only reason I want to keep Shiva as far away from Zell as possible, _he thought to himself. _I can't let that horny GF run amok in his innocent mind. She'd give him mental scars like there's no tomorrow. But damn if I'm gonna tell Zell that. _

"Trading GFs causes the most memory damage," he said with narrowed eyes. "Shiva told me herself that switching from person to person puts a lot of stress on the GFs. The mind views these junctions as some kind of invader and certain parts shut down in order to protect itself. The only time junctions don't hurt the mind is when the GF willingly gives up its power, like when we faced wild ones like Bahamut."

"So the memory loss only comes from GFs transferred from one person to another without its consent," Zell mused. "But most of our GFs came from human transfers. I got Alexander from Edea and he's been with me ever since. So does that mean he's making me lose my memories even though we're really compatible?"

"It's not his fault though. It's our body's reaction that's causing the problem."

"Kinda like when we get a cold or something. The body's fighting off germs by trapping them, which gives us a runny nose."

Irvine wrinkled his nose. "Something like that, but not as descriptive. Anyway, the damage is reversible if a physical bond can be established between a person and their GF. Shiva and I got that bond through sex."

"So, the rest of us would also need to create physical bonds with our GFs to stop the memory loss," Zell suddenly paled. "Does that mean I have to have sex with Alexander too? I can't do that! He's huge and armored and a _guy_! I'd get torn to pieces!"

The cowboy couldn't help but chuckle a little. "From what I've seen, Alexander comes across as a pretty noble GF. When you compare him to Shiva, showing off all that skin, that armored titan of yours is a total prude. And Shiva did say that sex was one of many options. Maybe the other GFs have their own ways of making bonds."

"But the rest of us can't do that cause the GF's exist in an alternate dimension, like you were saying," Zell slumped back in his seat. "You and Shiva only got together because of a freak accident."

Irvine groaned. "Yeah, and we both know how well that turned out."

Zell winced sympathetically. "It's a little funny though. A couple weeks ago, you'd be thrilled about having a hot girl giving you so much attention."

"This is completely different," Irvine's shoulders slumped, his voice downcast. "It's not exactly enjoyable when you have no choice."

"It's not right!" Zell growled suddenly. One fist connected with an open palm. "GFs are supposed to do what we tell them. But this one's breaking all of the rules and screwing with your head."

Irvine shook his head at the statement. "They don't have to do anything, Zell. We might use them as tools in battle, but they're still living beings. I get the feeling that they've chosen to help people like us. They're certainly powerful enough to kick our asses if they wanted."

"But Shiva's practically raping you!" the martial artist leapt to his feet. "She might not be here physically, but she's torturing you! We have to find a way to stop her."

"You think I don't know that," Irvine muttered dejectedly. "I know what she's doing to me, but I can't figure out how to stop it. Every time I come up with a possible solution, it fails miserably. Let's face it; I'm out of my league here. Shiva's holding all the cards."

Zell's fury seemed to deflate as he watched Irvine. Sighing, he flopped back into the chair and gave Irvine a concerned look. Irvine averted his eyes. The last thing he needed right now was the blonde's pity.

"Irvine?" Zell asked quietly, trying to catch his friend's gaze. "I know you're overwhelmed, but you can't give up. We've faced tougher enemies and survived. If we work together, I know we'll figure this out."

Irvine could feel himself choking up at those words. They sounded so reassuring, but he was too afraid to hope. _He can't understand, no matter how much he tries. He doesn't know how it feels when she takes over; how wrong it feels when my mind wants it to stop and my body craves more. He doesn't hear her voice or feel just how powerful she is when she acts. But he keeps trying to make me feel better. I don't deserve his sympathy, not after what's happened._

Tears prickled the corners of his violet eyes for the second time that morning. "I don't get you, Zell. I've done so many stupid things, made so many stupid mistakes, but you still think that I'm worth helping."

"Of course you are," Zell's voice wavered. "Yeah you've done some stupid stuff lately, but you're still my friend. And I won't abandon my friends when they need me. And..." Zell paused and looked away, a slight blush dusting his cheeks. "And because no one should be forced to do anything they don't want to."

Irvine caught the slight tremor in his friend's voice. Was there a double meaning in those words? "Zell...am I forcing you to find you a girlfriend? I've been trying to help you loosen up and get comfortable around the ladies, but are you really ok with it?"

Zell's head snapped up. "What? That's not it. You're not forcing me to do anything. I want to have someone special. You're methods are pretty frustrating, but I need the help. You know how clueless I am. Although..."

"Although?"

"I don't really know if I stand a chance with any of the girls anymore."

The light blush deepened in color, staining the martial artists' cheeks a bright crimson. Irvine might have found Zell's sheepish expression cute if he wasn't so emotionally battered at the moment. Zell coughed and muttered something unintelligible.

"What was that?"

The blush deepened even more. "It's just...I kinda understand now, you know...why all the girls flock to you."

Irvine shot him a confused look and gestured for the blonde to expand his theory.

"Well...you're...um...when you were in the tub I...I kinda saw and...not that I meant to look, but it was right there and...you're really well...endowed."

Irvine stared blankly at the blushing martial artist for a moment, his mind trying to process what Zell had just said. Had Zell really just made a statement about his penis? Was Zell actually being self-conscious because he thought Irvine was bigger? After such a serious conversation, that ridiculous statement had come out of nowhere and completely blindsided him. Irvine could not stop himself as he suddenly burst out laughing.

"Oh Zelly," he gasped for breath, seeing the indignant pout on his friend's face. "You seriously think that's a problem? You can't be that much different."

Zell just blushed and turned away, grumbling under his breath. Irvine thought he heard something about "size shouldn't matter."

"Well if you're that worried, Zelly-boy," Irvine could barely get the words out as he continued to laugh. "You could always take it out and we can compare."

"Oh for the love of-"

A hand whipped out and knocked Irvine in the chest. It was barely a tap by Zell's standards, but it knocked Irvine on his back. He barely felt the stab of heat at the point of impact as he continued laughing hysterically. His face reddened and tears started to gather in his eyes as he continued to laugh, even while Zell tried to smother him with a pillow.

"You are such an ass!" Zell declared as he let go of the pillow. His face was completely crimson.

Irvine gasped for air as he tried to calm down his laughter. A huge grin was plastered on his face. Zell took note of his friend and sighed, a resigned smile crossing his own lips.

"Still, it's good to see you happy."

Irvine's grin softened into a more sincere smile. "Thanks to you. After everything that's happened, I guess I needed a good dick joke."

The martial artist ran a hand through his hair sheepishly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm glad I could give you a good laugh at my expense. I need to get going anyway. It's getting pretty late and I've got a lot to do. Try not to get seduced by anymore GF's while I'm gone, ok?"

Irvine chuckled and waved as the blonde closed the door behind him. He laid back with a sigh, feeling content and relaxed again. _I'm definitely gonna find a girl for him_, he thought. _It's the least I can do after all the help he gave me. Too bad he's too nervous to ask anyone out. Unless..._

"Unless I ask someone out _for_ him," he said out loud.

"_That will never work,_" Shiva suddenly piped up.

"I wasn't asking you," Irvine growled. The good feeling was gone again. "Don't think I'm gonna forgive you after what you pulled today. And anyway, I know what I'm doing, ok? So just shut up and let me help him."

It felt like Shiva was going to comment, but Irvine did not hear anymore. Taking her silent acquiescence as a good sign, he headed for the door. He had work to do.


End file.
